Belly buttons and bloodwork

So, in the last 5 days or so, I've begun to feel like Audrey has discovered my belly button and is determined to "break out" through it. :) Not only has the button, itself, nearly completely flattened now, but it's very sensitive, and it really feels like she's pushing on it from the inside, trying to poke out. I don't think she'll be successful, but it is an odd feeling. I have felt her moving a lot more...

BTW - my expectant friends had their baby a few days ago - a boy. Yay for Ari and Terry!

We're currently on the East Coast with Ken's family. We've had a lovely Christmas, and today was my birthday. At Christmas, my sis-in-law passed on the "Marsh booties" to us as a gift. These booties were knitted by my father-in-law, Dave, in anticipation of his sister, Tina's, first baby over 50 years ago. They've been worn by Marsh babies home from delivery ever since. My mother-in-law, too, has been busy accumulating family heirloom and new receiving blankets, plus a prayer shawl that the ladies at her community group blessed en masse and knitted together. It's gorgeous - oranges, and greens and browns. And, soft.

Today, I got a call from the midwife re: some bloodwork results we were awaiting. Turns out, the good news is I don't have to worry about gestational diabetes. On the flipside, it turns out I have such LOW blood sugar that she wants me to eat protein at least 6 times a day, if not every hour or so. Plus, I'm apparently just "one point" above the oh-shit-sound-the-alarm! results for anemia. So, joy, I get to go buy an additional supplement of iron pills to take twice a day. This, in addition to the supplement she added a week ago to alleviate the symptoms of the pregnancy-induced slight heart murmur I've developed (I get "winded" a LOT easier these days, I tell you - and, even lying down makes my heart beat harder than I'm used to). I know, I know, just suck it up, Lorie, and take all the pills, powders, etc. I really don't mean to complain. It's just a habit I'm not used to - still (even 6 months into gestation) - taking handfuls of pills and powders.

I'm finding it rather fascinating to have these physical processes, overages and deficiencies, supplements, and so forth brought to my attention, though. Most of the time, I just expect and experience my body to function "normally." Like it's a machine. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. But, it's being used for different processes these days, so it's requiring more attention and support. And, I've never experienced my belly button feeling sensitive to the touch, for instance.

Omigod, and am I burping all the time, or what? To top that off, I find that, without thinking, I tend to announce, "I'm gonna burp." in advance of each gutteral projection. Which is OFTEN. It's almost like there's an invisible string in my back that gets pulled every time I have indigestion, "I'm gonna burp. I'm gonna burp." Just in the last day, I've been trying to just GO FOR THE BURP without any pronouncements, with so-so results. :)

Oh, and one last thought. By the end of the day these days, I feel so round and usually, full, that I can't imagine my skin stretching to get any bigger. Though, I know I'm going to. This is rather blowing my mind.

Bike story completed.

I finally wrote part two of my Runyon Canyon bike ride story! Find out what happened to the out of shape guy on his unreliable bike in the magical park of the blurting Buddhist and dogs! Dogs! Dogs!:
Land of Film and Money: Cycling Adventures in LA: Part 2

Nothing new, really

Well, here I am.

Felt like checking in, but now I don't know what to write about.

My college friend, Marijayne, phoned this morning. It was just so great to jump right in with each other, despite not having spoken since I can't remember when.

I've been thinking a lot about my friends Ari and Terry, and the impending birth of their second child. Terry was due, like, a week ago (?), and I wonder if they've welcomed their new addition, yet?

I've had a couple temp assignments - a day here, a day there. The other day I affixed stickers on hundreds of signs to note The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf stores' holiday hours.

Yep.

Usually, I like this time of year. I like the whole year-in-review, what-do-I-want-to-do-next-year? process. But, I'm not feeling that so much this year. Everything's pretty much a big question mark.

Audrey's fine. She moves around in there. Sometimes, it feels like she's doing multiple somersaults or cartwheels. :) Our neighbors want to give us their crib... I'll check that out tonight. And, two distant relatives out here (each with 8-month-old boys) have offered to give/lend us baby stuff, which is nice. I'll follow up on those possibilities after the new year.

I guess that's it for now.

Baby, baby, baby

So, today, I'm gonna meet up with Lisa (Tracy's life partner and all-around cool chick), and we're gonna go down to Manhattan Beach to The Children's Orchard, a resale shop for kids, maternity, etc.

Last night, I trolled Craigslist for infant car seats and snap-n-go strollers and responded to a listing that had what I wanted. I talked to the seller today, and I'll pick up her things tomorrow for $75. Yay! The snap-n-go stroller thingies are, like, $65 just by themselves - so, I'm getting the infant car seat and stroller for a makes-me-happy price.

Today is all about me and baby. No production stuff. No Hollywood stuff. No stress. No job stuff. No nothin'. Just ooohing and aahhing over onesies and binkies.

Did I tell you that a lovely friend back in Austin sent Ken and I a baby outfit as a gift last week? All my life, I haven't really gotten excited about baby stuff - little dresses or outfits or whatever. But, I pulled her gift out of the padded envelope and felt myself enthralled with the little onesie top, the little pants, the leeetle socks and cap, and finally the leeeetle hanger upon which it all hangs! I've become sappy. As my midwife put it, 'the harder-core they are, the mushier they become.'

Oh, and you'll get a kick out of this. Ken and I went to the Birthing Center's Holiday Party this past Sunday. We thought we might meet some other expectant parents there maybe...? Anyway, we both totally neglected to realize the party'd be overrun by kids. Kids everywhere! Infants, toddlers, 8-year-olds (!) with ponies and Santa and wind-up toys buzzing around underfoot.

We lasted 10 minutes, then left to drive to our favorite Pho restaurant in Koreatown to soothe our senses with Vietnamese comfort food. :) So I'm getting sappier, but I still have my limits.

Defeat

This afternoon, we folded the project I've been producing. We were supposed to start shooting this past Saturday, and then again tomorrow. We just couldn't surmount all the details and emergent flake-out factors that kept popping up.

I said in an earlier blog entry that attempting this project was near impossible from the beginning... But, now I'm home, and I'm wiped out. I want to cry. I already have cried today. I've worked my ass off for the last two weeks straight, and I'm not gonna have a project or the meager stipend to show for it either. Just a lot of frustration and stress, and ultimately being the One Who Said It Can't Be Done. The Writer and his know-it-all peanut gallery friends think it is a failure of will. Which is SO false. Their presumption is insulting to the folks who've been working like nuts to make this sh-- happen...

I have met people on this project that I didn't know before, whom I like. I'm glad I've met them. I'm also glad Colin (the writer) and I had our little arc together, and that that's over.

Oh, and did I mention that I got "fired" from my freelance writing gig this weekend, b/c they didn't like what I submitted?

Yeah, that was nice.

Feelin' really great about everything today.

I passed the "Network +" exam!

Now that I passed it (phew!) I can safely announce that I've been studying for an information technology certification exam called "Network +". So this Wednesday evening I took the exam and passed it with a very good score! The subject matter of Network + is very basic general networking stuff which I already learned years ago, but I've been out of the IT world for a while and needed the refresher. Not to mention, Ethernet technology has advanced considerably in the interim. And finally, my employer wanted me to take this exam and even paid for it. How could I resist?

Next, I need to update my MCSE certification (all about Windows servers and networks), since I got that a couple of generations ago and it is now mostly obsolete. That cert is going to require about 6 exams (ugh!), so wish me lots of luck!

No pithy logline here - just agh

Need a moment to vent here. Project I'm working on has presented several headaches. Not enough funds (always), creative control/differences, a writer who's so focused on getting HIS shot, his output on the page that he keeps getting in the way of the whole team who's trying to execute production of his script...

We're two days away from the target start date of our shoot, and he's turning in additional pages, with additional locations, extras, stunts... I just shake my head and marvel how clueless he is. And, how, despite my best efforts, I can't seem to herd this cat into the corral. I find myself this past week constantly climbing back on top of the pile, so to speak. Every time I, and the rest of the key crew team (which ROCKS), get to where we think we've got things covered, we get toppled off.

All this is making me think, 'what am I doing?'

I think to myself - I knew he was green. I knew this project was just about impossible to pull off - mostly b/c of the extremely short timeframe there was to work with. But, I thought, the "vibe" among the team was something I liked, it came with funding, and the compressed timeframe could be a good "whittler," gauntlet through which to shape the writer's material, force difficult choices.

And, that's been the case, to a great extent. But, then he revolted. He got stressed out and freaked out about changes, and I got mad at his revolt, his immaturity. Between the stresses of pulling monkeys out of my butt the last two weeks and pregnancy hormones, I didn't swallow my anger and hold back -- hold back to come around from a calmer angle. I just threw my hands up in the air and left the room.

Thirty minutes later I came back. And, I'm glad I left (because he was being a pinhead), and at the same time, I'm chagrined to have lost control (because I am not a pinhead).

So, here we are today at ANOTHER precipice, and I doubt that I've been a good enough producer. I doubt that I still care. I'm doubtful and mad that I haven't been able to stay serenely "above it all," and remain the calm, focused voice of We-Can-Do-It. I think to myself, 'oy, this drama; I'm so not into this.' I just wanna pack up my toys and go home.

But, I won't. I'll suck it up, clear my head, face this latest hurdle, and work toward a solution that is best for everyone.

Sigh. Agh. Pflltt.

Ack!

Just read Ken's entry below - fun! - and thought I'd check in ever so briefly. Yes, I'm producing a spec tv pilot, a comedy set in the Midwest about a 20-something guy who leaves his podunk town with Big Hollywood Writer Dreams, loses the last of his dough in Vegas betting it all on the Chicago Cubs' tragically failed World Series attempt in 2003, and returns home penniless, having never finished a script or made it to Hollywood. But his hometown friends think he's returned because he's "made it." Comedy ensues.

In the meantime, I've picked up freelance work writing copy for websites, and I have my first deadline tomorrow. I've spent the greater part of Friday and today gnashing my teeth, literally and figuratively, and using colorful expletives to describe my despair and anxiety.

I've gone from having days of time on my hands to not having enough time in each day.

Go figure, huh?

Enjoy Ken's posting... :)

Cycling Adventures in LA: Part 2

So, nothing unusual happened on the rest of the way up the
hill. My rear tire didn't sever its valve stem, and I did indeed reach the summit after stopping to catch my breath only three
more times! It's nice to know I can still do this kind of exercise! At the top I was rewarded with this nice view of our 'hood. On the right you can see the winding path that brought me here, and you can see our apartment in the near end of that strip of white buildings that stretches away into the distance.


At the summit I discovered that Runyon Park actually continues north into the Hollywood hills, so I stayed on the path and came upon this panorama looking east:


On the left is the Hollywood sign, and on the right, that tiny white building in the distance on top of the hill is the Griffith Observatory, and all of that land around it is the humongous Griffith Park (including the Hollywood sign.) If I was more ambitious I'd Photoshop these two pics together, but if you compare them you'll see where they overlap.

A little further along the path and around a bend, I did come across more magical creatures! Two horses, a goat, and a sheep, but they would not speak to me at all.

Notice again, "The Sign" behind the horses, and downtown LA behind the sheep. For some reason I'm greatly amused by barnyard creatures in urban settings -- especially chickens as you'll see in another post.

A few minutes further north along the path I came to the park's northern gate which is on the famous Mulholland Drive -- an east/west road that runs many miles along the tops of these hills, mostly west of here. There was nowhere else for me to go, so I turned around and headed back, and was quickly met by this mysterious creature all alone on the hillside. He didn't seem
to notice me as I coasted past, and he also did not speak to me. Just beyond him, I shot this lovely southeast photo of downtown. Notice you can actually SEE downtown from here. This is rare indeed!

The path got steeper again as I descended, and soon I was applying the brakes constantly to avoid hitting dogs/pedestrians or losing control and flying off the path into the brambly ravine. I made it safely to the bottom of the park, and just as I was passing through the gate I remembered I wanted to call Lorie and tell her I was "on top of the world" looking down on her at her TV pilot auditions in Hollywood. I stopped and inspected my rear tire one last time (no slippage, yay!) and dialed Lorie. Before the first ring ended I heard the dreaded "POPWHOOOSH!" But the rear wheel was solid. Wha?

I had neglected to keep an eye on the front tire! The strain of coming down the hill with the brakes on constantly was too much for it. The front tire had shifted and its valve stem had just now given up the fight. DAMN! And Lorie didn't answer her cell phone, so I complained to her voicemail. DAMNDAMN! At least my front tire hadn't popped while I was going down that hill. THAT would have been a disaster, not to mention embarassing in front of all the hikers and dogs.

So, I flipped over my bike on the sidewalk and changed the front tube using my one and only spare. Since my little portable hand pump can't build nearly the pressure a big standing pump can, I decided to walk my bike down the foothills to Hollywood Blvd. to avoid the greatest braking stresses. From there I followed my same path home.

Wouldn't you know it, about 10 blocks from our apartment, "POPWHOOSH," and the front tire was flat again with a severed valve stem! Oh well, it was a particularly beautiful day in sunny California and I hadn't died in Runyon Park, so I didn't mind walking the rest of the way home.

Lesson Learned: Don't leave your spare bike tires baking in the 100-degree south-facing laundry shed of your Austin Texas house for three years, and then put them on your bike just before moving to Los Angeles and expect them to not be completely dried out with no grip on your wheel rims.

Epilogue:
That same day I drove to a bike shop and replaced both tires with brand new juicy ones, and the bike remains locked in the garage to this day. We'll see what 2007 brings.

Cycling Adventures in LA: Part I

You asked for it, you got it! Another too-long post from Ken about nothing important!

Months ago I said that our neighborhood is great for cycling: grid pattern streets and very flat. It IS great for cycling, but I haven't done much because my bike has been plagued with tire troubles from day one here. I can't seem to go more than a few blocks before my rear wheel rips the valve stem off the innertube. Months ago our first LA bike ride went like this: We got all geared up/pumped up/prepped up (at least a half-hour of work) , set off into the west, got maybe four blocks, my rear valve stem popped off, tire immediately went flat in a rush of escaping air, we walked our bikes home (me carrying the rear of my bike so as not to damage the deflated tire) , I replaced the tube, we set out again, got about 6 blocks, rear stem broke off again, "pop-whooooosh," I sat on the curb cursing while Lorie rode home and returned with the car, and we gave up trying to ride that day.

After going through about 5 more tubes over the next couple of weeks, getting more and more discouraged, it was obvious that the rear tire was slipping around the rim, pulling the tube around with it, eventually separating tube from stem. "Pop-whoooosh!" I could see what was happening, but I couldn't stop it. In all my years of cycling, I never had this problem. It was VERY discouraging and inexplicable. I tried several remedies, but finally gave up and took the rear wheel to a bike shop. They cleaned up the rim and the tire, replaced the tube yet again, pumped it up to rock hard max pressure, and I haven't had a problem with the rear wheel since! However, I've been so discouraged that I haven't really ridden anywhere since then. It's no fun getting 10 miles from home, blowing out your primary tube and then on the way back blowing out your spare with 5 miles still to go.

Which brings me to today's cycling adventure. It's been months since I rode my bike, but today while Lorie was out working on her TV sit-com pilot project, I suddenly decided to ride to the top of Runyon Canyon Park. You may recall we hiked up there a while back. We haven't returned since.

My destination as seen from our 'hood:


So, I got all geared up and pumped up and prepped up (took at least a half hour) and headed west on Clinton a few blocks, then turned north on Martel crossing Melrose, Santa Monica, and Sunset. It was, of course, a beautiful day in sunny California made even more beautiful thanks to the gusty winds we've had the past few days which have blown all our filth into the next county to the east! Every couple of blocks I stopped to make sure my rear stem was not deviating from its normal position. Looking good. After I crossed Hollywood Blvd the street started to get "San Francisco steep" so I shifted into granny gear and inched my way up N. Fuller Ave. towards the park entrance. After only two blocks of climbing I had to pause to catch my breath, and began to seriously doubt if I was going to reach the top of Runyon Canyon. I wasn't even in the park yet! Oh, how I missed those fit Austin days back in 2001 when I could pedal non-stop for an hour during my morning and evening commutes. Now I always carry a spare tire and can't get enough air.

Another half-block of climbing and I was at the gate. Here I found a "groovy dude" sitting on a blanket on the sidewalk next to his weathered red car. The stereo was playing some very freaky psychedelic electric guitar manglings and the "groovy dude" was attempting to mangle along on an acoustic guitar. Scattered on the blanket next to him and all over his car were the wares he was peddling to park-goers. I wondered how long it had taken him to get that primo parking space on this popular street as I maneuvered around him and through the pedestrian gate into the park.

Head down, huffing and puffing, I concentrated on maintaining my balance at this slow speed, and tried not to think about all that steepness in front of me, glancing up occassionally to avoid other pedestrians. I passed several descending hikers and their dogs on their way out of the park. This is a very popular park for dog owners.

One lone descending hiker caught my eye, because from a distance the color of her shirt made it look like she was topless. What do I know, maybe that's normal in this kooky town!? No, just a tight flesh-colored shirt, but she was walking very deliberately, holding something with both hands at chest level, and as we got closer I could hear her chanting softly. Just as I passed this presumed reverent Buddhist lost in meditation, she blurted out, "Wow, I like your mirror! That's cool," referring to the little round rear-view mirror attached to my helmet like so many other little round mirrors attached to so many other cycling helmets on this planet. The gears on my bike turned almost as slowly as the gears in my head as I tried to make sense of the last 15 seconds. A topless chanting blurting Buddhist thinks my common helmet mirror is cool? Automatically I glanced over my left shoulder in her general direction, smiled and chuckled pleasantly which probably came across as a sneer and more huffing and puffing from the flabby man straining up this little hill. Proving once again, the window for meaningful cyclist/pedestrian communication is very small.

So, did I make it to the top of Runyon Canyon? Did my rear wheel withstand the strain? Did I encounter any more strange and magical creatures?

Stay tuned.

(to be continued)

Thanksgiving Recap

Just got home from my mom's house in Phoenix, where I had the BEST stuffing I think I've had in recent memory. It was just a fantastic Thanksgiving dinner all around: the turkey was delectable, the stuffing sang to me, the mashed potatoes were buttery and to-die-for. And then there was the cranberry sauce with mandarin oranges! MMMmmmm. Good job, Mom! Oh, plus the table was set beautifully -- I swear, it was like eating a meal in one of those tv shows or foodie magazines.

We also went shopping on Friday in Scottsdale, to this consignment maternity/children's store. That was successful, as I got a couple pairs of pants and a shirt or two. Oh, and we picked up a used Baby Bjorn infant carrier thingie. You shoulda' seen my mom and me trying to figure out how one attires oneself with said baby carrier. Mother slipped it over my head, and I had one arm akimbo through a slot, before a nearby mother took pity on us and showed us the ropes. It was like watching a martial artist make chop socky moves look effortless.

In other news, I've picked up a gig producing a spec television pilot episode over the next three weeks. Long story short, it's a script by my young fire-in-his-belly writer-friend (the same work I've been mentoring him on over the last several months) and the project's been accepted into the LA Film School's December production cycle. It's all very, very last minute, but the school provides all the equipment, craft services, students to crew the shoot, and money toward production, so YOW. Yay!

Well, I'm stiff and swollen from sitting in the car so long, so I'll sign off for now.

Gobble, gobble.

Pop!

Today is the first morning I've awakened "popped out." Until now, when I'd get up, I looked thicker around the midsection, but not popped out. By the end of the day, it was a different story. Well, today, there's no mistaking, there's a definite baby bump, right out of bed. I've abruptly reached the stage where I can't make most of my clothes work. :)

Data Entry -- Agghhh!

First day on the new temp gig today. Data entry, oh joy. Booorring. But, it's this food-related charity org, so at least all employees get free lunch every day. Cool. Free food.

By the end of the day, I started getting all swell-y -- ankles, mid-section -- and uncomfortable. Audrey's getting fussy about getting squooshed as I sit for long durations. I think I felt my first foot sticking out this weekend. :) I want to tell her that it's only gonna get more crowded in there.

Tonight, we went to see visiting-from-Austin-former-LA-residents friends (Jim & Laurie Halfpenny) at a local club. Jim played a bunch of tunes from his CD -- I'm gonna hope that Ken adds the appropriate link here, so that you all can check out Jim's music. It was lovely, just him and his acoustic guitar, and it was great to chat with them for a little while afterward.

Now it's time for bed.

Today's screening in LA

It's been a good day.

I didn't expect to feel my stomach in knots at the screening, but it was. I think there were maybe 100 (?) people there, and I saw many familiar faces which made me feel happy and grateful.

Our main adult actor, Michael Emerson (who played the dad in the movie), and his lovely wife, Carrie, came to the screening, too. That was a kick -- the audience really love his performance, and it's a treat to see people approach him with praise and appreciation. Plus, he's a genuinely nice guy. I'm glad he got to come to the screening before heading back to Hawaii to continue shooting "Lost" (he plays Ben (aka "Henry Gale"), the leader of The Others).

This was a cut of the movie, the final version, that I had not seen before. Kat and Stacy and our editor cut nearly 10 minutes off the version some of you have seen, the festival version. I like this edit very much - some scenes deleted, some added, some shortened. The theater space was gorgeous, and the panel afterward was gratifying.

(left to right) 5 experts from the Di Di Hirsch Suicide Prevention Center, Kat, Michael, Stacy, and Lorie is the red splotch standing under the bright exit sign splotch on the right side - guess my camera doesn't handle low light situations well:

There were many people on the panel and in the audience who found the movie cathartic, authentic, and moving -- that's quite a gratifying response as one of its producers. I'm glad it spoke to those people, and that they shared what they liked about the movie.

The theater from across Wilshire Blvd:


"Boycott" is another movie, not a directive!


Di Di Hirsch SPC setup a table in the lobby:


(left to right) Kat, Lorie, Stacy before the screening (consarnit camera!):


Afterward, a group of us met up at the Farmer's Market to nosh and kibbitz. I met some new people, fellow LA folks as it turns out, and that was fun. We exchanged contact info. Though driving to the Farmer's Market (the Grove - outdoor shopping area/destination) was, predictably, a pain in the ass -- traffic was backed up on Fairfax the entire way. Argh.

Back home now, settling in for the evening. I have a new temp gig that starts tomorrow - as an Admin Asst at some sort of non-profit. The gig's supposed to go until potentially Dec. 8th. If it does, it'll pay for two months of my exorbitant health insurance premium ($500/month) and our flights back to DC for Christmastime, which is a good thing. Speaking of insurance, Ken found out that we can cover the baby under his policy once she's born. Also, we can try to add me, too, after the birth, now that we live in CA. (different rules or something from Texas).

Audrey pics

Scroll down two posts. Ken added them there. :)

On the job

So, I got a temp gig today at the Writers Guild (WGA). Yay! I interviewed with another temp agency on Tuesday this week - this gig is through them. I'm minding the phone in the contracts department. I have two more hours to go...

Yep...

My ankles are swelling inside my happenin' boots from sitting here motionless.

Yep...

Okay, well, that's all I have to share, I guess.

Wild and crazy sighting

Yesterday, while out to lunch in Beverly Hills with Kat and Stacy, I saw Peter Gallagher (the actor who plays Sandy on "The O.C.") We were eating at this organic cafe called Urth Cafe -- before I was pregnant, I really liked their decaf iced mocha (baby doesn't like coffee that much). It's not cheap, but it's got good food and desserts.

Well, after that excitement, Fate dropped us one more celeb sighting over our grilled paninis and salads - Steve Martin. I was pretty excited about that one. I wanted to drop my fork and point, but instead I subtly pointed my fork and slightly nodded my head in his direction to clue Kat into his approach. Stacy was inside refilling her coffee, but I think she saw him when he returned from the other direction later...

Yep, excitement city. :)

Oh, Ken and I went to our second super-duper ultrasound today. Audrey is still a girl, and she's currently 9 ounces. Everything's ducky -- all limbs, organs, etc. are within spec, ranges, etc. Yay!

Ken:
Here's a good shot of Audrey with her hands up (just the way I sleep!):


And here's an H.R.Giger painting I snapped at the Museum of Modern Art :



Just kidding. Actually, that's Audrey's spine and rib cage. Looks alien to me, but doc was quite pleased with her development.

DC Screening Update for "jumping off bridges"

Before I forget --

Washington DC, 11/15
Wednesday, November 15th
7:00pm
AFI Silver - 8633 Colesville Road
Tickets are FREE
Filmmakers in Attendance (my co-producer, Stacy Schoolfield, will be there)

Ken and I won't be back East until Christmastime.

Baby stuff

So, I don't have a temp gig today and I've been doing some internet research on baby stuff. I've printed out this one list of newborn essentials from Consumer Reports, and I've started reading forums on some local parenting/new-baby sites. Here's a rundown:

People hate LUVS diapers - they leak. Good to know. They like Pampers.

Don't buy a whole bunch of baby bottle nipples until you see whether baby likes that particular kind. I plan on breastfeeding - I don't know for how long - but, I know we'll need bottles for storing breast milk. A little further down on my list is to start wrapping my brain around researching breast pumps.

Don't buy a bassinet - buy a "pack-n-play" that has a bassinet included.

A baby bouncer and/or swing is a good thing if you're ever home alone and need to do dishes or take a shower. :)

People don't like bottle warmers or wipes warmers. I don't think I'd be interested in either of those items anyway.

The Boppy Pillow seems to be popular.

A light stroller that can securely hold an infant/baby carseat is preferable to full-on "travel systems" strollers.

I've also made some phone calls to some local thrift stores, asking if they carry any maternity clothes. I've had one particular Goodwill Store recommended to me to check out. I think I'll go there this afternoon. I still fit into most of my clothes, but I want to get out of the house.

Tomorrow, I've got an appointment with yet another staffing/temp agency. And, I spent the better part of Friday combing part-time job listings and responding to some of them.

Our second super-duper ultrasound is scheduled for this week, Thursday. Ken'll have to post any image(s) to the blog afterward. Oh, and by the way, Mom, on the previous ultrasound image of Audrey we posted - that's not her nose, that's her fist in front of her face! I put that realization together last week... I saw Audrey's profile during the scan, itself, but the image actually obscures her full face b/c her hand's in front...

Ha ha. Yeah, THAT would be a big nose. :)

I want my Obi-Wan

Okay, I'm trying not to freak out. I don't have a temp gig today. Haven't had one, yet, this week. It's noon on Wednesday; I've got some laundry going. Just nuked myself some mac and cheese. And, I'm ignoring the little voice in my head that's asking, "what are you doing????"

I'd call someone, but I don't know who. I'd go somewhere, but I don't know where.

I've got a task I can work on in support of our upcoming LA screening of "jumping..." but somehow, I'm not making any headway there either.

Yesterday, I spent most of the day researching building blocks for a new business plan... I have these clear moments, where I see what I could do, what I want to do. And, especially now, in my second trimester, I'm feeling more capable, settled, ambitious to keep plugging away at my career goals. AND, especially b/c we moved out here in support of those goals, and we're currently facing yikes! financial challenges right now. I feel motivated, to put it mildly, to make headway on getting paid to make movies.

But, I have moments/days like today where I have too much time on my hands, and all these questions start pinging around, doubts. A bunch of "shoulds" + impatience = frustration, worry.

I'm meeting with this writer again on Sunday about a script/idea that I pitched to him, and that he's enthused to write. It's a suspense-mystery-drama story. He also has a horror script he sent me to read as a writing sample (it's not a slasher horror, more of a ghost story), which he's also asked me whether I want to take on as its producer. Short answer is, "I don't know, yet."

It's well-done; he's a polished writer (which is good, considering I'm working with him now on an idea of mine). I have a couple problems with the third act -- right now, as it is, it doesn't speak me personally enough to sign on. But, then, I get the questions -- what if he addresses my third-act concerns? It is a horror script (and a ghost story, which is more my speed than Friday the 13th Part 25), and those types of projects are "hot" right now, more sellable as a genre than other types of projects. And, it would be relatively "cheap" to make, b/c it's fundamentally a simple story/set-up, number of characters, locations, etc. It could be a good complement to the one we're developing together...?

I have another story idea which I want to develop. It's also a "genre" script - a techie heist/action movie. I'm going to find a writer (a la Chris above) who likes writing for that genre and seek to develop that idea into a script, too. So I think, if I have the suspense/drama, the techie heist actioner, and a competent horror script -- hey, that's a good selection to have in the basket and start shopping for money and attachable elements (actors, directors, etc.). And, if one of them isn't as personal to me, so be it. Right?

I guess today, I wish I had a mentor. Someone in the industry, more experienced, to whom I could "soundboard" all this stuff, these questions in my head. Someone who'd have a suggestion or an insightful question that would aright me when I start to wobble.

Oh Great Genie of the Universe, I want a mentor!

I actually have someone in mind. That's why I've started putting things down on paper and researching stuff... There's an experienced producer, with whom I interviewed several months ago. I didn't get the gig, but he said I made a good impression, and I asked to bring him something to review when I had something... he agreed.

I've been thinking January. I'd ping him again, pursue a chat, coffee, meeting, something in January. But, now that I'm sitting here typing, I've just thought, "I have questions now." Plus, I'm working on putting irons in the fire now. Why not touch base with him again now?

See, questions again.

Is there a right answer? Not just one, probably. Right?

I thought so.

Large-Marge-in-the-making

So, I'm starting to feel fat. When I hold in my stomach, it still juts out. My clothes are still fitting, but by the end of the day, gravity takes it toll, everything swells, and wastebands are uncomfortable. I figure it'll be several weeks more before I have to invest in some maternity clothes...

Remember how I said a few postings ago that Ken and I liked Glendale a lot? Well, our latest preference is for Culver City - which is in the opposite direction of Glendale. No big news to share re: specific moving plans or anything; we're just exploring different areas of LA for a move sometime in the next year or so.

I had a temp gig at Sony last week, which unexpectedly ended Friday. So, I'm back on the call-the-temp-agency-in-the-morning-to-report-in schedule this week. Didn't have a gig today, so I did some errands and met with my writer-friend, Colin (who just got laid off from Paramount two weeks ago) for lunch. Just got home.

Yep, definitely feeling LARGE. Bluh.

Oh, last week, I met up with a new writer acquaintance -- long story short, we're going to work on a script/idea I described to him, a suspense/mystery film. He expects to complete a first draft by Dec. 10th...

Well, I signed on to write more, but now that I'm here, I don't remember what I wanted to say! Oh well. :)

I've got a new gig!

Thank you, thank you to Gail March! My lovely friend put me in touch with some folks at Sony who need some temp help, and I start on Monday. Yay!

Wow, I noticed a different vibe there from Paramount's right away. The Sony folks seem happier and more laid back. Which'll work for me. :)

My Hamlet Moment

So, I was thinking this morning...

About the nature of existence and the power of the Universe. And, doing the laundry.

If one accepts the universal Law of Attraction, that "like" attracts "like," and that the source and sustainer of the Universe is pure energy (can anyone say, "string theory?"), AND that each of us and everything around us is comprised of this same source energy, then God/the Universe is like a giant Genie which beckons us to command Him with our desires. To manifest our desires, we simply need to identify and ask for them. Accept them as real, as a "given," and they come into reality -- "like" is magnetized into existence to match "like."

I was dreaming this morning about some sort of super-PDA I had. I really simply wanted to make a phone call, but my fingers were too big for the buttons, and I kept misdialing. I finally figured out there was a stylus to use, and I excitedly grabbed it to key in the phone number I wanted. But, somehow, with the stylus I pressed some other inadvertent combo of function keys, and all of a sudden, every application and function of the PDA crammed the screen at once -- BLOCKING my ability to make the phone call I wanted to. Next, I got caught in this loop of trying to close all the other "windows" on the screen (which kept popping up new ones), unable to access the device's telephone function.

This dream ties in directly to my first paragraph, in that I know I have all the capabilities to make that phone call - to state what I want. And, yet, I am aware of so many possibilities and my fundamental omnipotence to manifest them that I feel I spend more time "closing windows" (or wondering whether I should close that window) than making the call.

I guess I'm wrestling with super-alertness versus contentment in being. What I mean is, knowing that I have the ability to manifest ANYTHING makes me feel responsible for everything that manifests in my life - the "good" and the "bad." If I'm feeling discontented with anything in my life, I must recognize that I have somehow contributed to manifesting it... Or, even if something pops up "out of left field," I've somehow attracted it into my orbit.

Isn't that daunting? How does one keep from being hyper-alert, hyper-vigilant all the time? How exhausting.

Ah, I just detected a note of fear there. That's the tripper. I don't believe in remaining in a state of fear. Fear is a wake-up call, at its best, a seductive, self-perpetuating rut, at its worst. So, if the hyper-alert feelings appear, I need to call them for what they are and let them go. I can't ANTICIPATE everything that comes along with a manifestation. I mean, if that were the case, why create anything at all? Where would the mystery be? Where would the adventure be? I don't believe we're here to live our lives like recipes.

I've been calling in these past few mornings to report to the two temp agencies I'm signed up with. No gigs, yet. So, today, I decided, "phooey, I'm gonna do the laundry."

And, so off I go to launder. Ponder the Universe, check. Separate the whites and the colors, check. :)

In the words of Steve Martin, "Pure Drivel"

Feel like writing something, but don't know what to say.

That brief phrase neatly sums up how I feel about my creative writing skills! I have boxes and files of old letters, notebooks, loose pieces of paper and cardboard even, with snippets of conversations, story ideas, plot outlines, you name it. And, when I sit down to invite the Muse to join me, she plays hard to get. And, I have impatient courting skills.

Went to the bookstore the other day to check out anthologies of essays and short stories. I thought, perhaps, those forms might beckon me, inspire me. I found that the concept of a short story is more appealing to me than actually slogging through reading one. Aren't I lame? Essays, on the other hand, spoke to me more, but I'm back to the same stall - what to write about?

Well, this is progress. I've written two paragraphs on "not knowing what to write about." Ha.

I'm off to another birth class this evening. Tonight's subject is supposed to be prenatal diet and nutrition. Let's hope there's not ANOTHER birth video. Yeesh.

Ants in our pants

Ken and I drove all over Glendale yesterday. It's east of Los Angeles, west of Pasadena.

We like it there.

We found a residential area surrounding this long, east-west-oriented Kenneth Road, with cross streets like Maryland and Virginia Streets. Seems fated, doesn't it? We actually stopped at a couple Open Houses, too. Ha. Yeah, nothing like "only" $700K for a "fixer-upper." But, the cool thing was, we found an area that we both like. And, last night, I checked craigslist for duplex and house rentals in the area, and like, five possibilities popped up right away.

Good signs.

We decided today that we want to move before the baby arrives, so we'll start looking in earnest in January for a new rental. If we aim to move at the end of February/beginning of March, perhaps our current landlord will still give us our security deposit back (our lease isn't up until April 15). We'll see.

Today, we're going to head down to Manhattan and Redondo Beach(es), just for chuckles. Ken wants to walk in sand. :)

Birth Desensitization

Oh Sweet Jesus, we had another birth video tonight at class.

As the midwife/instructor put it, she's showing us these birthing videos (that show one kid after another popping out of one woman after another) so that we all grasp that, "yes, Virginia, a baby CAN pop out of DOWN THERE."

I don't know, maybe it's working.

Nope, I'm still pretty squeamish about watching close up shots on other women's cooties as slimy baby balls emerge from them.

On a lighter note, I heard "The Lemon Song" by Led Zeppelin on the drive home - I love that song. I rocked out, badass.

Our Audrey is going to be a headbanger. Oh yeah.

No Medi-Cal for Us

Last week, I went to the Dept. of Social Services, Los Angeles Branch to check out Medi-Cal - the state-funded/sponsored health insurance program (for indigents, and pregnant women without insurance). Brand-new building with floofy, modern-y sculpture out front - and, inside, it still managed to smell kinda like pee. Sigh.

Nice enough people/staff, but the experience was what you'd expect. I just wanted to find out what the program covers, and how eligibility is determined.

Well, first I had to go to the reception desk, get a number, and fill out a form. Then, my number was called, I took the form to the desk, the lady entered the data in the computer, and I was told to be seated again and wait for my name to be called. She couldn't answer my questions - that's another dept/group.

Cue Jeopardy! music.

Half-hour later, another lady emerges from behind door, calls my name. I follow her back to a bank of corporate cubicles, where she confirms my contact info, enters it into another computer screen, assembles a file folder with my name on it. She couldn't answer my questions - that's another group/dept. She escorts me back to waiting area, and I'm told to wait for my name to be called again.

At this point, I've been there an hour and a half, I'm queued into the database, and I still don't know if this is something we can or want to apply for. Cue Jeopardy! music again.

Twenty minutes later, I'm told to go up to the Third Floor Reception area. Okay. I get up there and am told to sit along the wall and you guessed it, wait for my name to be called.

In the meantime, I've observed the pageantry of my fellow applicants: uncombed, shambly man, skinny, pretty black girl with skinny, handsome boyfriend, super-skinny brunette (whom I'm not entirely convinced is a natural woman) with the pointy heels, athletic, high-energy almost-agitated man, black guy with fly open, young Asian couple, and talking-to-himself Arab guy.

There was a big bank of North-facing facing windows in the Third Floor reception area. For another half hour, I stared at the 405 traffic inching its way north into the Valley, and began to fantasize about jumping out the window.

Lorie Marsh? Ms. Marsh?

Hallelujah - petite, plump Mexican staff-lady is calling my name! Off we go into another bank of cubicles. Turns out, she's able to answer a couple of my questions, but not all. If I want to find out more about any benefit/coverage specifics, I'll have to call this one phone number, and...agh.

In the end, I learned that Ken and I could basically squeak into the program, but we'd basically have to lie about the extent of our assets. That don't fly with me. And, I found the whole experience well-intentioned, but "ew."

So, that's that.

Upcoming Washington, D.C. screening

Hello Lovelies.

Well, a few days have passed, and I don't feel so poopy or hate LA that much anymore. :)

Big News for my DC Posse:

My film partners in Austin scored a major feat with our current, limited release national tour of "jumping off bridges," in that they successfully solicited the endorsement from the National Institute of Health in D.C.! In fact, in an email from the NIH people, it said, "Everyone agreed at the meeting that your group has created a film that is needed by the mental health professional community." Pretty cool, huh?

The screening will be November 15 (Ken's birthday!) at the AFI Silver Theater (8633 Colesville Road). I don't know the time(s), yet. Will keep the blog posted.

Oh, and one more thing

Oh, yeah. Echoing Ken below - I don't like LA either. Everything's a HASSLE.

I knew moving out here that I didn't particularly like LA. The move was for WORK. But, now we're having a baby, which makes the WORK thing a little hard to figure out.

Deep down, I have faith, I know that everything's going to work itself out fine. I know, I know. But, today, I couldn't begin to tell you what I want, what's important to me - vis a vis work, career. I also couldn't tell you where else I'd rather live...

Missing my Happy Pills

Pregnancy hormone highs notwithstanding, today, I'm really missing my anti-depressant medication. Just having a really hard time today. Feeling completely overwhelmed - like, I don't know what to do with myself. Actually, the problem is, I have lots of ideas what to do with myself - too many. I don't know which direction to go, what action to take next. And, it has nothing to do with time management - it's this FEELING of ACCKKKK!!! Sick to my stomach worry. Lethargy. Catatonia. With an ample chaser of annoyance with myself for feeling this way.

It's that old familiar feeling of "what's the point?" I know it'll pass, but at the moment, I'm really argh, aggravated, stymied, scared even. Scared that I can be rendered so USELESS upon no provocation.

I'm also beginning to get "list-y" again. My brain's idling too fast, so I feel impelled to make lists to try to empty my brain. Then, I have all these lists around to stare at me while I feel this numbing freak-out.

Oh, AND, every time I hear my neighbor's LOUD voice, I want to move away from this building immediately. He's LOUD MAN. Yes, this is the one who shouts expletives at his four-year-old. He has been better the last week or so; apparently, he's seeing a new counselor or something. But, it doesn't change the fact that he has this LOUD, grating voice that just makes me want to jump out of my skin.

Okay, I think I've complained enough for the moment. :)

On a sole productive note, I did manage to work through layers of inertia today to put together the press release I'll be sending out to all the LA outlets for our Nov. 12 screening of "jumping off bridges." Oh, and I'm faxing a resume to this friend of Gail's for a temp gig at Sony. Probably won't know anything more about that until next week, b/c necessary person is on vacation this week.

Oh, and one last thing. Finding out dribs and drabs about the Medi-Cal program, which subsidizes pregnancy costs for low-income folks. Ken's excited (understandably) to get us signed up for it, if possible, but I just found out today that our midwife's practice doesn't accept it. So, if we go the "free" route, we can't use the practioner we've chosen. This snag stopped me cold today. I don't want to find another OB, midwife, whatever. I don't want to start over with someone new...

Sigh. Gotta discuss with Ken.

Escape to Big Bear Lake!

This Saturday morning we got a bug in our butts, woke up early, threw some clothes in a bag, and took off on a quick road trip into the mountains to the east in search of Big Bear Lake. We had seen this mountain lake from the air last weekend as we flew back from St. Louis and another passenger told us what it was. This lake is 8000 feet in the air, far above the smog that gathers thick and disgusting at the western base of these mountains.

Big Bear Lake was gorgeous! and clean! and relatively undeveloped with hillsides covered with big beautiful pines! These pics don't do it justice.

Looking west across a smallish wetlands area with the adjoining lake on the other side of the road:




Looking east across the wetlands:


While here, I told someone for the first time that I hate LA. Uh oh. There, I said it.

And once again, returning from this relatively pristine wilderness to LA sent me into a mild depression this evening.

Maybe Lorie will write more...

Toast is a perfect food

Pregnancy hormones can be more fun than drugs.

For instance, while driving my car last Thursday, Eric Clapton's "Layla" came on the radio, and it MADE ME CRY from joy at how awesome a song it is. I was in a great mood the whole rest of the afternoon.

Tonight, I'm having equally superlative feelings about wheat toast. I dare say, it is nearly the perfect snack - warm, crunchy, with sweet butter melting in its little hollows... and, bonus, if you apply apricot Allfruit lightly on top of the buttery goodness!

Our first baby picture...

Little pinkies, little toes

So, today, we had an appointment with this neonatal specialist to do a First Trimester Screening of our little Bean. The official term for the screening is NT, which stands for something medical-y-sounding, I don't remember what, exactly. Last week, at my visit with the midwife, she couldn't hear the heartbeat, so she referred me to this doctor with this $450,000 machine (that goes Ping!) that does super-duper ultrasounds.

Not hearing the heartbeat wasn't cause for ALARM, b/c the baby was probably tucked under my pelvic bones, and the Doppler audio thingie can't penetrate bone. But, she felt, and I agreed, that being safe was better than being sorry.

So, OMIGOD, our little Bean looks like a little baby! Compared to the coffee-bean-sized blob I saw on my first, very brief ultrasound five weeks ago, the images from today were COMPLETELY different. In fact, I think the baby's gonna have Ken's nose and jaw! No wonder I've been so tired. There's been a whole lotta construction goin' on in there.

And, we're having a girl.

A first for the Marshes!

More later. I'm bushed. :)

Kiev's Wedding

This weekend, we took a four day weekend to attend Lorie's cousin Kiev's wedding in Springfield Illinois. On Friday we flew into the St Louis airport where we met Lorie's mom Sue. The three of us shared a two hour drive into Springfield. After three months in sunny California, where I've seen few clouds and fewer raindrops (but lots of smog), I was very excited to see Illinois' crystal clean skies completely packed with big juicy clouds and great gusty winds thrashing "normal" trees like oaks, elms, maples, and pines. Not a palm tree in sight! And in the not too distant south, dark storm clouds and flashes of lightning! Oh my! I didn't realize how much I missed REAL weather. Of course everyone else was worrying about the upcoming outdoor wedding getting rained out!

On Saturday we did errands, socialized, and went to the rehersal dinner which was great. Sunday was wedding day. It was a lovely ceremony and a beautiful sunny/cloudy day thankfully. The reception at a nearby hotel was lots of fun. On Monday we socialized a bit more and then the three of us drove back to St. Louis for our flights. It was depressing going back into the cramped polluted hell that is LA.

Pep talks and refining the vision

So, last night, I had a lovely chat with my friend, Gail. Told her I was feeling limbo-y and "muddy" about direction.

See, I got a thick package on Friday from one of the writers I've been courting - yay! I spent the weekend reading all the materials and her revisions and doing research on potential comparable titles, budgets, etc.

And, I came to feel - circumspect about it all. I still love what I've loved about the story for the last 3+ years; but, I've determined this particular project will most likely have a difficult time making its money back - even if it were made for pennies, relatively.

And, you know what? I'm tired of working with just pennies.

So far, I've pursued scripts by writers I like/respect, b/c I've been seeking a rudder, or anchor from which to build out here. In other words, to be taken seriously as a (fellow) merchant in this marketplace, I've pursued acquiring wares first before presenting myself as a peer.

But, talking with Gail last night made me realize -- I'm a born merchant, and that's my "wares." I can demonstrate that I've created and sold wares (businesses/projects) -- and, what I'm really out here to sell is ME. What I'm seeking investment for is ME. My abilities to recognize viable business/investment opportunities, select/develop material, devise budgets, get physical production executed, and sell that puppy.

In fact, Gail pointed out, if I go in to an "ASK" situation with a prospective investor presenting a specific script/project that he/she doesn't like, then I've actually introduced an unnecessary negative into the equation. Instead, I can evaluate the marketplace, the opportunities and their parameters, the resources needed, frame my "ASK" thusly, and THEN acquire/develop specific material to meet those parameters.

I've definitely felt cloudy about my next steps out here since the end of that shoot I worked on and finding out I was pregnant. But, today, I felt a renewed vigor and ambition, confidence even, about direction.

Okay, so that's a recap of BIG LIFE AMBITION thoughts. On the pregnancy side, I've craved mac and cheese the last three days. :)

Baby names

Audrey for a girl.

Noah for a boy.

These preferences tend to change every few days/weeks. :)

For fun - names we've ruled out: Helmut, Reed, Willow (or Willa), Seven, and Lily.

Ken suggested Audrey - I think it's pretty. We both like Noah; though, we both like Tom, too. But, our cat's name is Tom, so... Plus, Tom Marsh -- the m's run together - tommarsh. Hm. Don't know if we like that so much.

Had a delightful dinner with my favorite cousin, Chauntall, this evening. She was in town for a business trip. Never planned in a million years to be pregnant at the same time as she is! She's about two months farther along than I am, and it's her first baby, too. It was fun commiserating about involuntary and ever-present burps, odd appetite swings, sensitive ta tas, and other early pregnancy miscellany.

We'll see her again next weekend at my cousin, Kiev's (Chauntall's brother) wedding back in Springfield, Illinois. I'm looking forward to it.

Eleven weeks in

And, so, dear readers, I am pregnant.

I'd planned to not write about our impending Huge Life Change for a few more weeks, until I'd cleared my first trimester. But, damn, being pregnant takes up a fair amount of brain space - I've had urges to write stuff in the blog, but it's been pregnancy-related, so I've kept mum.

I've had enough of mumness. There's just too much shit flying around my brain to keep it quiet anymore, and writing in this blog is a welcome valve for me.

The details: due in the first week of April. I've had morning sickness, but it's abated the last couple weeks, thankfully. Still have unsteady moments, though. But, no active yakking lately. :)

Ken and I have chosen a midwife to work with - her name is Tonya, and she's delivered 6,000 babies over her career. We currently plan to deliver at her Natural Birthing Center in Sherman Oaks. Long story short, we prefer her philosophy and "vibe" over the traditional OB doctors we've met. Plus, another long story short, my insurance doesn't cover maternity (unless I'm threatened with imminent death by a narrowly defined set of pregnancy complications), so if we're going to be paying cash, we prefer paying it to someone we feel is partnering with us - not someone who has a more "conveyor belt" mentality and expects insurance to pay for all sorts of extras.

Tonight, we attended our first birthing class with Tonya. There are 8 classes, total, every Tuesday evening. We were told to just jump in - tonight's class was number 7 of the 8 - and, just cycle through 1 - 6 on the flipside. It was informative, and I'm saturated, and rather freaked out. Tonight was all about the newborn at delivery. It was not my druthers to start off classes of any sort with the requisite birth video, but guess what? Tonight was the night for the birth video. Sigh.

I really didn't need to see that tonight. That's just a little bit TOO MUCH INFO for me to digest well at the moment. I mean, I'm not showing. In fact, I've lost weight - like six pounds - since peeing on a stick confirmed something was up. My boobs are YOW! sensitive, and I'm looking pretty damn voluptuous, but that's about it so far.

Two-thirds of the other couples are farther along in their pregnancies than us. And, are thus, bigger than me. So, between the birth video (in Dutch, no less) and being surrounded by fully preggers peers, I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed. In only a relatively short while, I, too, will feel my abdomen resting on my thighs while sitting.

Freak-o.

I'm definitely looking forward to the "honeymoon" second-trimester phase I've read about. The one where I don't feel like sleeping all day, have an appetite again, and sigh over baby booties and onesies (I honestly don't see myself swooning over any baby products - at least, not until Junior is actually out and about).

Now that the cat's out of the bag, I'll probably log in more often than lately.

Next posting, baby names.

Addended scribblings

Oh, and I forgot -- I signed up with a different temp agency. Haven't done an assignment for them, yet. They'll likely assign me gigs at Fox Studios.

Oh, and here's what I'm working toward -- remember the whole, "should I try to get a job-job at a studio?" musings, well bahhhh -- I'm working to secure rights to script(s) I love, then raise money/attach bankable "elements" to them, get them made and preferably pre-sold - and, pay myself 10%-of-budget producing fees (standard).

Right now, the crux is securing rights - and, being patient as I keep putting one foot in front of the other to secure those rights.

Sappy movies and Sunday nights

So, I watched "The Notebook" on cable tonight. Sappy, pretty picture, and totally satisfying. It gave me a good cry, and made me feel all googly about Ken. :) Of course, now I can't get to sleep, b/c I can't breathe through my nose at the moment.

Went to Pasadena today to get better acquainted with the "lay of the land." My cousin, Chauntall, will be in Pasadena this week on business, and we're going to get together with her for dinner. Pasadena is pretty - at least the parts that we've driven/walked around.

I keep waiting to find "that spot." My friend, Gail, says I never will, b/c I am fundamentally a gypsy -- but, I can't help feeling a bit on the hunt for someplace that feels "nesty." I like our apartment and our current neighborhood in LA, but... It's a good place to land, but it's not where I can picture really roosting for more than a year or so.

I feel restless, can you tell? I think my brain is just trying to land on something solid. Or, maybe it's my gut. Something that feels "yes, this is where." Oh, I don't know - I think I'm babbling and/or full of shit.

Even as I tussle with unruly feelings, I know I am blessed. I do feel that in my heart.

Tomorrow, we'll see if the temp company calls with an assignment. And, in the meantime, I continue to correspond with several writers/pursue securing the rights to produce their scripts into movies. Speaking of which, Ryan Gosling (male lead actor in above-referenced sappy movie) -- now I'll have to mull him over as a possibility for one of the scripts I want... :)

The film we shot last summer in Texas, "jumping off bridges," is starting a nationwide DIY tour this month, which'll continue until late November. Check out http://www.jumpingoffbridges.com for the latest listing of screening cities and dates. We'll be having one such screening out here in LA in November. I need to get on the ball with press/publicity for that event - started on that this past week.

Okay, so I can breathe through my nose again. S'pose I'll attempt going back to bed.

I have returned

Well, I've been out of touch for awhile, no? Short story is, I picked up work on a producer-friend's indie feature comedy that shot most of August. So, 15+-hour days, six days a week, will take one away from blogging.

I'm brewing several projects at the moment - an especially BIG ONE, too. Which I'll tell y'all about in more detail in another month or two - it needs more time to gestate.

Felt pretty crappy and exhausted after the shoot, but things are looking up again yesterday and today. Feel like stormy clouds have mostly passed.

Catching up with the past two weeks

Lorie and I have been VERY busy lately, me working long hours with my new job and Lorie working longer hours producing a movie! More on those activities below. To get you all caught up, here's a roughly chronological cramming of the last 2-1/2 weeks into one post...

The Friday we bought the Scion (two weekends ago), we drove it down the coast about 45 mins to Newport Beach to (re)visit many of Lorie's relatives at Sue & Tim's timeshare:



Nice view from their balcony, huh? And that's the whole gang by a pretentious fountain on the property. Let's see if I can remember everyone's name (apologies for any misspellings.) Left to right: L,K,Tom D., daughter Ji Soo, wife Hee Yeon, younger brother Sean D., Alyssa & Cody (L's brother Shane's chilluns), Tim D. (Tom & Sean are his sons from a previous marriage), and Sue D.

Tom, Hee Yeon, Ji Soo, & Sean all flew in from South Korea where Tom and Sean have been teaching English for many years. This was actually our third and final visit with everyone that week, and it was their last night in the timeshare as Sue and Tim have put it up for sale.

The first time we visited (Sun. 7/23?), we frolicked on the beach,



and generally loitered about the timeshare playing Scrabble and Uno, eating, drinking, and socializing. Life doesn't get much better than that!






The second day we visited (Tues.7/25) we met Sue, Hee Yeon, Cody, and Alyssa at Disney Land where Sue treated us to a day with The Mouse. Thanks again Sue! I was surprised just how soothing and fun Disney Land was for me -- like a carefree paradise stringently cut off from the real world outside. You can't even see any part of the real world when you're in the park. I didn't want to leave. After a full day we had only covered about half the park, and we were skipping a lot of stuff! I could easily spend three whole days there and still not get to everything on my list. I seriously considered joining them on their second visit to Disney two days later, but ultimately stayed home to do errands - I would be starting my new job in 4 days!

Warning: the next two links play music:
After their 2nd visit to Disney, I was surprised to learn from Hee Yeon that the "It's a Small World" attraction did not represent democratic South Korea in any way. But you can bet your sweet bippy the "Pirates of the Carribean" ride has been retooled to include Johnny Depp's Jack Sparrow character! The Mouse knows how to make a buck with cross-promotion, that's for sure.

Moving on...

Sat.7/29
The day after our last Newport Beach visit we went to a birthday dinner party for my Aunt Gayle at Tracy and Lisa's house. We met lots of family and friends, everybody was charming, the food was delicious, and the wine flowed like wine! Somehow (I have no idea how) it didn't take me long to learn that two of the people there were Alex Jones* fans, so we immediately hit it off! Here's the only picture I thought to take that night:



Gayle still had pain from her fall, but was on the mend and was getting around pretty well on her own.

Moving on...

Two days ago (Fri.8/13) I completed the initial two-week pre-probation probationary period at my new job, and they want to keep me on! Yay! I've been on a VERY steep and stressful learning curve these past two weeks. Gratefully I reached some kind of comfort milestone Thursday while taking care of two customers on my own, and Friday morning I was able to eat breakfast for the first time. Progress! Now I'm in a longer probationary period of indefinite length, which to me means I'm there until I either quit or get fired, just like any other employment situation. As soon as I feel I've earned it, I'll be bucking for a raise that's for sure.

This job is a fantastic opportunity for me (having been off the "techmill" for two years) as they are paying me to learn all the latest stuff and have even offered to pay for any books I buy and any certification tests I pass! And the potential for growth within this relatively small outfit is tremendous. If I handle this right and they are truly as nice as they seem so far, this could be the last job I have before retiring! Very exciting!

In case I haven't said it enough, all my thanks to Lisa L's sister Shannon for referring me to my employer: Worldwide Computer & Media Solutions!

Moving on...

For at least a week now Lorie has been crewing on an independent film being shot all over town. I can't think of the name right now, but it's a comedy with a title and subject similar to Office Space. ..... [Lorie says it's called "Entry Level."]

One of the stars is comedian/actor Taylor Negron, whose face and career, if you're anything like me, lie just this side of the edge of your awareness. Most recently I saw him in The Aristocrats documentary shot by Penn & Teller, although I don't specifically remember him in that. Man, that was a funny movie. You wouldn't think a documentary about dozens of comedians telling the same joke over and over and over and over would hold your attention for two hours, but this is no ordinary joke. As they say in the film, basically the aristocrats joke has a standard opening line and a standard punch line, and everything in between is one long dirty filthy disgusting horrific obscene improvisation, so it's never the same joke twice. Unless you've seen the movie you've probably never heard this "inside joke" because it's usually only told to other comedians at parties and whatnot. But I digress...

Lorie has been running herself ragged on this film shoot sometimes working 14 hour days or longer. Since she's in charge of all the PA's (production assistants) she has to be on set before everybody else and stay longer than most at the end of the day. And since the craft service (caterer) guy was kind of drowning, she's been helping him out a lot all week. And since the craft service guy was drowning, they FIRED him yesterday, so now on top of managing a horde of PA's, Lorie has TAKEN OVER craft services completely!!!!

I have an amazing wife. Perhaps I'll see her again some day. Today they're shooting sidewalk scenes in Glendale. I might pop over for a visit and take some pics. [Nope, didn't make it.]

Oh, I almost forgot... last Sunday I was roped in as an extra on the film. Yes, dear fans, I reprised my award-winning and beloved role "Well Dressed Guy in Dark Green Suit" which you may remember from such classic films as "Cake", "Hoover Girl", "Jumping Off Bridges," and "Detective Cops: Special Detecting Unit!" But, alas, I've had to retire this character since during Sunday's shoot I noticed countless tiny moth holes in the iconic Dark Green Suit. I'll be contacting the Academy to discuss a possible donation, but failing that, there's a Goodwill down the street from us. Stay tuned for the next character I'm developing:
"Well Dressed Guy in Brownish-Grey-Tweedy-Kinda Suit."

That's all for now dear readers!

* Alex Jones is a rabid Austin-based government watchdog whose radio and public access cable shows I consumed the whole time we lived in Austin. Producing his shows, website, and documentary videos is what he does for a living. Some people write him off as a nutty, alarmist, over-excited, conspiracy theorist or an opportunistic entrepeneur. To be sure he is both, but in my opinion he is also an important check & balance against global, national, and local government/corporate/private entities that increasingly seem to be getting out of control to the detriment of the world's citizenry. I've seen him tackle everyone from Austin city council members and individual Austin police officers to international power groups like the Bildeburgs, the G8 summits, and everyone in between. And he's darned entertaining when he gets all jacked up on one of his frequent rants. Politically, I think he's a Libertarian. The last thing I expected in LA (much less in Tracy and Lisa's house) was to meet another Alex Jones fan.

We bought a new (used) car

So, with my new job starting Monday, I decided to replace my old car. I wanted a used one to save a little money, and I was curious about several makes and models, so I decided to go to a Carmax dealer where I could check out a wide variety.

Short story is I bought a black Scion xA. It's the shortest car I could find (easy to park and maneuver in this often cramped city) and it gets the best gas mileage of non-hybrid cars which are still exorbitantly expensive, even used.

Plus we think it looks cool.

Ken got a computer job!

Got the call earlier today!

I interviewed for this job last Friday. My first job interview in LA. My first job interview in 7 years! I was incredibly nervous for 24 hours before my appointment. My insides were full of butterflies full of jumping beans full of squirmy worms tied in knots and my head was on another plane of existence entirely. The interview was pleasant, nice people, nice office, but I was not technically impressive which is pretty much par for the course with me in computer interviews. And, lord knows, I'm not the most outgoing, talkative, GET TO KNOW ME! kind of guy.

For me, computer support is very visual - when I'm fixing a computer problem, I'm usually not running down a checklist in my head. I'm getting my cues for what to do next from what I see in front of me. And I do it well. But in an interview situation it's all verbal with few if any visual cues, so I think my brain has trouble translating between the verbal world of the interview and the visual world in my head. I've never had a computer interview where I'm actually sitting in front of a computer showing what I'd do in a given troubleshooting scenario.

So, my resume saved me for sure. [That, and the fact that a good friend of one of the interviewers had referred me - thanks again!] My strongest argument for hiring me is in my resume: I did exactly this kind of work from 1994 through 2004 (5 years with one company, 5 years with another) culminating in a salary of almost 60K. Software has advanced some in the last two years, but computer support is like riding bicycles. There are lots of different styles of bikes just like there are lots of different versions of software and hardware, all you need to do is learn where the controls are; the fundamental skills are the same across the board. Once you're familiar with the controls, you can ride any bike.

Anyway, the important thing here is I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!!!

And now, just like any hiree, I need to prove my worth on the job. I start Monday.

Bitch session

Baahhhh!

So, guess what, dear readers? I got canned this week from a temp assignment - in the middle of the week, they decided they didn't like me, and my temp agency called and said Wednesday was my last day on that assignment. No one talked to me about anything they were concerned or unhappy about, they just booted me. Which, on one hand, is fine by me, b/c frankly, that gig was BORING - MORE BORING than my boring times on my recent, long-term assignment. But, on the other hand, the booting makes the temp agency and HR dept all worried that I'm unplaceable, don't fit the profile, don't suck up proficiently, you get the idea.

Well, big surprise, I'm not a good suckup. Shit.

However, I got assigned on Thursday to a one-day gig back among the group I used to work for - supporting the SVP Mktg. Which was good, b/c it was familiar faces and I did a good job - his is a semi-busy, important desk. And, they all like me well enough. -- But, even if offered to me (in Fantasy Land), I wouldn't take the job full-time. His phones have to be covered all the time. As such, you can't leave your desk w/o coordinating with another office-mate. Talk about a ball and chain. -- So, that was kind of a redemptive gig for me.

Politically, I recognize the necessity and value of this redemptive gig. Personally, even needing a "redemptive" gig puts such a distaste in my mouth.

Dear readers, thanks for your patience. I just really need to vent. Who likes being told they're fired - even from a gig they don't like? I wonder if this is a sign. You know me and my signs.

When I first starting temping on the lot, I said it was exciting, yet I could "read" a steady undercurrent of fear, paranoia, a lack of morale. Ew. I think I've said in this blog that I'm not a corporate wannabe. Maybe the temping at the studio(s) has served its purpose? Ken had his first computer job interview today. He became a ball of stress over the last 24 hours in anticipation, but the meeting went well. Temping for me has always been a "temporary" activity (duh)...

Maybe I should temp for a different agency? Maybe I should ask (oh no, she's asking something again!) my current agency to place me in non-studio gigs? Maybe I should go out on my own - maybe script consulting again? Out here, there's a bigger pool of writers who can/may pay for consultation, than back in Austin. I am good at it. It's a good way to meet writers...

I'm still applying for full-time gigs - mostly all Assistant gigs of sorts.

Bah.

Baahhhh.

ZZZZzzzzz

OMIGOD, it's only 4:20 p.m. I'm sitting here, desperately casting about in my mind for excuses to leave early.

I've read everything with print on it within a ten square foot perimeter. The internet seems like a small, dried up source of reading material at this point. My eyes threaten to pop out of my head if I seek to read ONE more thing. In fact, eyeballing this entry as I type it is pushing it.

I briefly rebounded after lunchtime with a couple phone calls to make, but now, at 4:23 p.m., I give up. I want to put my head on my desk and snooze.

Wah.

Yup, it's hot in LA.

I heard Gov. Arnold this morning saying CA recently set a new record for high energy use and we all need to conserve electricity. We've already been warned by locals that LA commonly has rolling brownouts/blackouts during summer. We haven't experienced that yet, but the summer is young, I'm sure it's only a matter of time.

I'm doing my part, Arnold! As I type this I'm sitting in front of a window fan with nothing on but my short-shorts, fighting the urge to turn on the AC.

No, I am NOT going to insert a photo here!

"Butt" Hot

Hey there. Years ago, when I worked on a gimongous Dept. of Defense contract in D.C., I worked with a fellow trainer who hailed from Texas. Can't remember her name. But, she used to describe things of extremes with the term "butt;" as in, "it's butt hot out there!"

Here in sunny Cali, it is, indeed, BUTT HOT. Nothing like sleeping with a sweat mustache. Or, more accurately, tossing and turning all night with a sweat mustache.

So, I interviewed last Friday for that job. I came away from it sort of dazed. In summary, everything went fine enough, but I left wondering how it went?

I liked him fine. We seemed to get along. I asked about his working style, saying mine is, in a word, direct. He said he's the same way. He's also not a morning person by nature. Hey, there's two things I like about him! Plus, I really like where the company is - it's a startup, essentially - and, its taste for material.

It was, in retrospect, a little nerve-wracking (post-interview play-by-play recall-wise), b/c he started with an open question, "So, tell me about yourself." You know those questions. Without knowing him or what he's looking for, specifically, you're able to hang yourself with what you offer off the top of your head, or based on your assumptions. Oh well. I was me. There you have it.

Sometimes I despair that I'll ever adapt to having a "boss." I mean, I'm totally down with "paying my dues," but it just feels so regressive for me to pitch myself for a desk jockey job. Like, who am I fooling?

I don't know if the answer is to continue temping and work up my own projects, get a permanent job with an existing production company, or some other combo...?

What do I want? I like working with writers. I like building projects from the ground up. Lord knows, I like autonomy. It's like a compulsion. Maybe a fatal flaw? Or, maybe I should just embrace it - I am what I am. Agh.

Sometimes I also fear that I've lived with (created) career upheaval and uncertainty for so long that I don't know how to embrace full-time, traditional employment. I mean, on one hand, I've been temping full-time - it's not the schedule I can't keep. It's the mindset.

This week, I've started a temp gig back on the Paramount lot for an attorney in Business Affairs. It's very quiet. But, that's cool. It's supposed to be a month-long gig, but it's one of those things that could likely stretch into months... if I don't get another job first.

:)

Recent Updates You Might Have Missed

* Added new post with pics for 5/13/06 - the day we arrived in LA and unloaded the moving truck:
Land of Film and Money: Last leg of journey: Phoenix to LA, and the "joy" of move-in!

* Added scenic photos to 7/5/06 post about our day of exercise in Runyon Canyon Park:
Land of Film and Money: Sunday afternoon in 3 words

...that's all for now.

Oh, more details

The job is as the Assistant to the Head of Production at an independent production company that's funded by a billionaire out of Minnesota. The company co-financed "Brokeback Mountain," "A Prairie Home Companion," and the upcoming "Into The Wild" (a Paramount specialty arm release). They're moving from strictly financing films into developing and shooting their own, as well. Sounds like they might want to build a library of titles, too.

This could be a really great "ground floor" opportunity.

I hope I like the dude.

I hope he likes me.

Plus, I want to get more experience under my belt on the line producing side. Line producers manage the physical side of production - cashflow, logistics, personnel and equipment management, etc. Stacy did a kickass job in this area on "jumping..." last summer, as well as throughout post-production.

Though, I have experience in these areas with my own short films, and a documentary shoot I line-produced in 2003...

I'm just gonna take a deep breath and be myself. If it's meant to be, it'll be.

I've got an interview!

Tomorrow afternoon 2:30.

I did a happy dance after I got off the phone.

I'm all atwitter.

Temp gig is ending

Last Friday, my boss told me she'd gotten the kabosh on keeping me as a temp any longer (than this week). Apparently, a Dreamworks transplant (Paramount bought Dreamworks this spring) will be joining her group imminently.

I expected it; and everything's cool. In fact, I spied an opening on a job listing last Friday which I'm really excited about. AND, my boss here at Paramount was kind enough to agree to make a "godmother" call on my behalf - turns out, the prospective employer is a co-producer on a film currently in production to be distributed by Paramount. Lynn recommended me to her contact from that project, and then that person kind of "checked me out" over the phone and then agreed to put my cover letter and resume in the right person's hands.

I keep hoping my phone will ring.

When I get an interview, I'll share more details. And, when I get the job, I'll share the rest!

In other, fluffy, news I haven't had any coffee today, and it feels like I'm obsessing on that lack every other minute. I'm spacy, tired, fidgety, and then perfectly fine.

Glad I had a really productive day yesterday, b/c today, eh.

:)

Big City Life, Part 1: Our Back Alley

Since we only have one car, our mornings start with me driving Lorie to Paramount. This morning as we entered our caged parking area from the building, we noticed a big pile of paper trash scattered just outside the cage in the alley. Unusual, but unfortunately not TOO unusual. Must be trash day and lately the neighboring building always seems to have overflowing trashcans. Lorie slid open the big iron gate and I pulled the car out into the alley. As I'm waiting for her to close the gate and get in the car I see why that pile of trash was there: about 10 feet down the alley, there are two homeless guys with a packed shopping cart picking through our neighbors' 6 trashcans. And they're not just poking around in the top layers -- they're pulling everything out of the cans and dumping it all onto the pavement. As we drive past and exit the alley Lorie confirms what I only caught out of the corner of my eye: one of the guys was getting the last drops out of a discarded Jack Daniels bottle.

Blather

Forward Marsh Productions.

Our friend, Scott, came up with that idea. I think it's fun and clever.

I got two spider bites on my right elbow yesterday at lunchtime. My elbow is now a red, bulbous, itchy blob.

That's where I'm at today.

Today, I...

Met two new folks today on the lot - Andrew and Annan. I spontaneously turned around to them while walking along with my lunch, and asked if they might want to share a table outside under the trees, which they did. Turns out, they work for a Big Wig at the studio - really big. It was fun to chat, and I was happy I listened to that little voice again that said, 'turn around and say hi.' We talked about where we came from (them, Minneapolis and New York, respectively), movies (of course), and power tools (told them about Ken's doings).

I also met a Tech Support guy this morning, who came to fix something goofy on my boss' Blackberry. Quizzed him about how he got his gig, and then called Ken to share. Fun, fun. More quiet time at work today, can you tell?

J, whom I lent the screener of "jumping off bridges" to over the weekend, really liked the film. He felt it started slowly, but that it won him over with its performances, and he especially responded to a key moment in the story between two main characters. He said it made him tear up!

Yesterday was a "working day" for us - Ken worked on his 2005 bookkeeping (yes, we know we're way late, but we've filed an extension and will pay the late fees), and I helped him. I also finished reading a script, organized some stuff, blah blah blah.

Oh, one last thing. We went to Chateau Marmont to have lunch on Monday. It was shwanky and fun. Good food, posh, very "Hollywood power lunch," but low-key atmosphere, good coffee. We liked the ambience and architecture of the place a lot, and we ate out in the terrace area - quite pretty.

Sunday afternoon in 3 words

Ken and Lorie.

Desired outdoor exercise.

Runyon Canyon Park.

Kicked. My. Ass.

Sun. Heat. Death.

Top of hill.

Oh, Thank God.

Shady path back.

Car. Air Conditioning.

Oh, Thank God.

Wanna go again?

Bring it on.

- - - - - - - - - -

Here's some shots of our 'hood that Ken took during our hike. This was actually a pretty clear day for L.A. but you can still see the smog.

Looking southeast...




Looking south...





Looking southwest-ish. Century City in the fore, Santa Monica waaay waaaaay in the distance and the invisible ocean beyond...

Update on "jumping off bridges"

Here's a recap of recent "jumping off bridges" news, per Kat:

FESTIVALS: Michael Emerson and Kat attended the Jacksonville Film Festival in May. They had an extremely successful screening. The first show sold out and the festival added a second screening later in the week that was packed as well. In early June, Stacy was in Saugatuck, Michigan for the Waterfront Film Festival. Both screenings were well attended and the audiences were enthusiastic and appreciative. St. Edwards University also made us part of their lecture series for a new MBA program. We had a full house for the screening and a large crowd for our follow-up panel discussion that included Texas Film Commissioner, Bob Hudgins. The next screening is in Lubbock at the Flatland Film Festival. If you know anyone in Lubbock send them out to our screening on Friday, August 11th at 7:30 at the New Firehouse Theatre at LHUCA. Kat will be in attendance discovering the gem that is Lubbock. We're now only submitting to festivals via invitation, our focus is on self distributing the film theatrically.


DISTRIBUTION: We talked with several distributors after SXSW and found a general consensus that they loved the film but found it to be a hard sell. We were close to signing with a distributor that would have only pursued cable and DVD, in then end, he didn't feel the film was "big" enough to take on. We continue to feel strongly about getting into theaters one way or another, to support DVD rentals and sales. Our feedback from festivals has shown us that we do have an audience. Our goal is to reach them.

With that said, here's a general idea of what we're doing this fall.

FALL PREMIERE/TOUR: We've mounted an ambitious effort to screen the film this fall in over 20 key cities across the country in conjunction with national non-profit suicide prevention, grief recovery, and mental health groups. To that end, we have surrounded ourselves with lots of helpers: Tracy Frazier, who is also our newest Storie Productions partner, Leslie Langee, one of our actors who has been working with us on publicity and outreach, and Brittany Kessel, a recent college graduate with a degree in event planning and ties to the suicide prevention network. We've had several meetings with Texas representatives of suicide prevention and mental health organizations and have begun talking with three national organizations that focus on suicide prevention.

The screening plan was hatched after brainstorms with Luke Adams who started marathon training with Stacy and Kat last fall. Luke worked at Morgan Creek as a VP of Marketing for many, many years and inundated us with ideas and methods. He loved the film and felt that it was extremely important to get it out into the world. He basically said, "you're a suicide film, market it to that audience, they're the ones that will respond to it the most and in turn bring other people to see it." So that's what we're doing. In a nutshell.

With these screenings we will target therapists, counselors, people who have lost loved ones, professors, experts on grief and suicide ... We'll bring in critics and distributors so they can experience the film with our target audience. Our goal is to sell out in cities all across the U.S., get the attention of distributors, and show them our film does have an audience and isn't such a hard sell.

So far we've locked down the following cities ... Austin (either 9/26 or 10/10), Houston (10/14), Tallahassee (10/6), Seattle (9/13) and Montlair, NJ (not sure the date just yet). We're working hard to secure about 15 more cities with help from friends, friends of friends, peers and random strangers. There have definitely been some amazing folks who don't even know us helping out with this venture. It's been sweet.

We'll be sending out a list of cities and dates later on. We'll need your help to spread the word to people in those communities. We'll be promoting the film using grassroots methods. It worked for us in the festivals and we feel it will work for us with these screenings, too. We're also pursuing an educational distributor for the film. It's an outlet we hadn't anticipated originally but have since realized is a good bet for use in outreach efforts and a tool for awareness.