Maybe Audrey wants to be a Taurus...?

Still pregnant. On Friday, baby was sitting "high" up in my uterus - not any closer to head down in my pelvis. I've had some contractions, my cervix is softening, and my blood pressure is holding steady, plus the other symptoms of pre-eclampsia have abated, and the baby's heartbeat registers all happy healthy on the non-stress tests -- SO, we're still just waiting.

Which is fine. Sometimes boring, sometimes desparate-feeling, sometimes "zen," but fine.

On Monday, Ken and I will go see the back-up hospital OB/surgeon to get his take on our status, and whether we might be looking at the need for a hospital-based induction (midwife won't induce at birthing center if baby's head isn't in pelvis - could lead to umbilical cord dropping into pelvis before baby's head, and that would be bad) and/or potential C-section. There's a question about whether Audrey's head might not fit in my pelvis anymore...? Not sure how Dr. Wu might be able to gauge this, but we'll see.

If everybody decides to wait until Friday or later next week (baby, midwife, OB), Audrey'll be a Taurus instead of an Aries. Can you tell I'm looking for reasons for this wait anywhere I can find them? :)

Ten Years

Today is our tenth wedding anniversary - yay for us!

I'm really glad Ken asked me to marry him, and that I said yes. :)

We're gonna go walk around the Getty Museum this afternoon. Audrey's still sitting "high" up in my uterus, so we continue to hope that walking and gravity will help her "drop" into my pelvis for that final Swoosh! into the daylight.

Walkin' & Waitin'... Waitin' & Walkin'

When she doesn't feel like going outside, we walk around our doughnut shaped hall.
c'mon Audrey!

UGHHH

Is it possible to be good-naturedly "spittin' crabby?" 'Cause that's pretty much where I'm at. I'm crabby, but I know it's due to circumstances beyond my control.

I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of Limbo.

I could go on, but I'm too cranky.

Ugh. :)

Lorie Stubs The Bejesus Out Of Her Toe.

Lorie is sleeping peacefully this afternoon, and her blood pressure is lower today than it has been the last few days, thankfully, but we had a tiny bit of excitement last night.

It was about midnight last night and I was still enjoying the afterglow of passing my latest exam, relaxing in a guilt-free evening of watching TV, drinking a few beers, and most importantly, NOT studying. So about this time, Lorie goes into the bedroom to sleep and soon begins emitting hurt-puppy kind of noises like, "oh, ow, ow, ow, oh, ow, shit, shit, shit!" I go in to check on her, turn on the light, and she's sitting on the bed holding her foot still sounding like a hurt puppy.

"I stubbed my toe on the damn vaccum cleaner!"

She had left the little canister-vac on the bedroom floor after vacuuming earlier, and in the dark she had smashed her foot into it. OK, that smarts, but she should be fine in a few minutes, right?

"I think I'm bleeding."

Uh-oh. This is not the kind of thing you want to hear from your extremely pregnant wife.

We both look at the injured second toe of her right foot and amazingly the entire toenail is flipped up and back like a trap door, still barely attached at the cuticle like a hinge. And where the nail should have been there was a toenail sized pool of blood.

The mother of all toe stubs! Fascinatingly gross. And painful to say the least.

What are you supposed to do with a partially attached, flipped back toenail? Yank it off? Immobilize it in its current position? Put it back into place? Whatever, it's going to hurt. I recommended immobilization, but she wanted to clip it off first to minimize future snags. So over the next hour she soaked her foot in water to soften the thick little nail, then froze it with ice cubes. The nail was so thick and curved it wouldn't fit into the clippers for a single big snip without sending her through the ceiling, so we had to do a series of smaller less painful snips. Then she gingerly affixed a band aid and I helped her into bed.

It was all very distressing and painful, but she impressed me with her trooper-ism.



Wouldn't you know it. Right after the midwife tells us Lorie should be walking around to induce labor, she stubs the living hell out of her toe.

Why do we have toenails anyway? All mine have ever done for me is put holes in my socks.

The latest...

Okay, I'm in a good mood. :) The short skinny is that the perinatologist said the placenta and everything else in utero looks great; so, we're in a good spot to continue waiting for nature to take its course. If Audrey hasn't gotten the party started on her own by next Monday, we'll go back for another look-see, but we're good right now...

She weighs 7 pounds, 13 ounces in there! Plus, the technician surprisingly got a really good image of her face which is difficult at this stage apparently.

And here are a couple photos from a couple recent visits:

A complication, but I'm okay

Got news today at regularly-scheduled pre-natal appointment that, unfortunately, I have developed a sudden onset of pre-eclampsia -- which is, mostly, pregnancy-induced high blood pressure. This can diminish or damage the functionality of the placenta and cause stress for the baby in utero and/or during delivery. Fortunately, the baby's heartbeat was fine during the check today, and an ultrasound from 2 weeks ago showed that my amniotic fluid and placenta both looked in "good shape" to last the rest of term.

Nevertheless, my midwife put me on bed rest this weekend, with lots of fluids; and, we'll be going back to her office on Monday to check my blood pressure again, as well as visit the super-duper perinatologist's office Monday afternoon for another super-duper ultrasound to check on the baby. In the meantime, Ken and I bought a DIY blood pressure checking gizmo to use this weekend to check my blood pressure a couple times per day. FYI - Blood pressure reading tonight was lower than my readings in the office at mid-day today.

I'm also spending a lot of time mentally and energetically encouraging my cervix to soften -- if it were "riper," my midwife would've set about inducing me into labor today. Delivering the baby is the only "cure" for pre-eclampsia. As it currently stands, even if we had induced contractions today, my cervix isn't soft enough to accommodate dilation -- and, we would've headed toward "failure to progress," and an emergency C-section. Apparently, the non-softening cervix thing is more common among very young, first-time pregancies and among the 35+, first-time crowds (yours truly).

Sigh. This development upset me, because it can ultimately necessitate an emergency c-section, but we have a plan, and I'm emotionally okay now. Things will be what they need to be. I figure Audrey just wants to wait to be born on a single-digit date... !

I'll update with the latest after our Monday appointments. In the meantime, wouldn't it be great if I spontaneously went into labor naturally this weekend...? Everybody think, "oooh, I bet Lorie's in labor RIGHT NOW!"

Butt humps and Terms of Endearment

Today, I had a "Terms of Endearment" moment. Remember that movie with Shirley Maclaine and Debra Winger? Early in the movie, the filmmakers set up the mother-daughter relationship by showing Shirley Maclaine anxiously waking her sleeping infant to make sure that she was okay.

Well, today, I feel different somehow -- strangely, more comfortable than I have been in weeks. And, then I noticed I hadn't felt Audrey move in a while. And, then I started thinking, 'how long since I felt Audrey move?' and then, 'why don't I feel Audrey moving?' And, then I had Ken put his hands on my belly to see if he could feel her heartbeat. Well, neither of us could tell anything definitive from that. Then I grabbed my belly to sort of shake it around, like 'hello in there?' 'Anybody home?'

Before today, my belly's been so sensitive to the touch, that I certainly haven't poked or prodded myself -- but, I went at it this morning, pushing a little here, lifting a little there. Hell, I gave Santa a run for his money, grabbing both sides of my belly and jiggling. Flashes of complete irrationality flared in my head. 'Is she okay?' 'What if her umbilical cord has gotten wrapped around wrong while I slept or something?' 'Did I feel her move after I ate cereal this morning?'

I sat on the couch, with furrowed brow, and Tom climbed up onto my lap and started purring. And, then I felt Audrey's reassuring butt hump move under my skin. Very slowly, like, 'MOM, I'm trying to sleep in here, stop bugging me.'

Okay, sorry, just had to make sure you weren't like, dead or something. Agh. Whew.

Waiting...

Went to midwife today. Got poked and prodded. I've gained a pound since last Friday - it's all baby. Audrey has "dropped," her little head is now resting inside my pelvic bones. While this is progress, and I'm happy about that - oy, it's a sensation that really grabs your attention whenever you sit or, especially, stand up.

Talked with a local friend on the phone last night. She asked me what I was doing this weekend, and my answer was, 'waiting.'

That's pretty much my constant state of being presently - I'm waiting. And I'm hungry a lot.

I'm glad I could share this meaningful blog entry with you all. :)

Snap, crackle, pop!

It's 6:30 a.m., and the siren song of a bowl of rice crispies called me out of bed. So hungry this morning!

BIG belly - I think I've discovered my first stretch marks. Actually, I know I have; I'm just in denial. The midwife thinks Audrey is about 6.5 pounds in there. We both think she'll come earlier than April 6th... Let's hope, b/c oy! my whole torso itches pretty much all the time, and I don't know where/how else I can expand to accommodate her getting much bigger! :)

My lifelong friend, Ora, visited me this weekend, and it was great. We met over 20 years ago in Paris and became fast friends on an impromptu weekend trip to Monte Carlo, Monaco. I've got the photos somewhere - all blue eyeliner (with matching blue mascara), sequined tops, and big hair.

It was so fabulous to have so many loooong conversations this weekend -- instead of the must- cram-an-update-into-a- 5-or-10-minute-phone-call-while-picking-up-or-dropping-off-her-son-
or-oh-shoot-I-gotta-go-back-to-work- or 'damn, my cell phone reception just crapped out,' or whatever, you get the idea.

On Friday night, we had dinner at Chateau Marmont (famous, iconic hotel off Sunset Boulevard that was built in the early 1920s and is a celebrity hangout) and sat one table over from cult film director John Waters ("Hairspray," etc.). We also saw actor Jason Statham (starred in action flick, "Crank" last summer) and some misc. tv personalities. The celeb sightings were a bonus; I took us there b/c I really love the architecture of the place (art deco meets European gothic castle), and the food is good - high pricey, but not exhorbitant.

On a completely different subject, thank you, thank you to you fabulous people who commented on my earlier post - both on the blog, itself, and via email. I really appreciate your thoughts, encouragement, and support. I wish I could convey more eloquently how they truly touched my heart and comforted me, but this simple thanks will have to do.

Since my earlier posting, Ken and I have learned that great friends of ours from Austin, Ari and Terri, might be game to pursue a sort of "co-housing" with us - i.e. the four of us with our kids (their two, our one) renting a duplex together, to start with. The idea could expand into sharing gardening and childcare/animal care activities, recycling efforts -- basically, looking for ways to pool our resources to diminish our ecological "footprint" together, as well as foster more neighborly, "intentional family,""village-ness" in our day-to-day lives.

Over the next 3-6 months, we'll all be looking at whether to maybe move to Minneapolis, MN., Spokane, WA., Madison, WI. or for Ken and me, maybe back to Austin, TX. Ari and Terri currently still reside in South Austin, but they're open to the possibilities of other areas -- Terri's mom lives in St. Paul, in fact, I think. If we (all) moved to the Twin Cities area, Ken and I would be within an easy day's drive from my brother and his three kids in the far west Chicago suburbs...

The draw to moving back to Austin is definitely there, b/c we were (and are) certainly blessed with some great friends there; yet, on the brink of parenthood, I find myself feeling the pull of my own midwestern roots/imprint. And, Texas is more like the Midwest than anywhere else I've lived, but it's TEXAS - with its own personality and culture. I enjoyed its personality and differences while I lived there, but like I said, at the moment, I'm feeling a nostalgia for four seasons, sledding in the winter, maple and pine trees and lilacs.

Well, another bowl of rice crispies is beckoning me from the kitchen, so I'll sign off for now. :)

Last weekend - the short skinny

Lorie's mental condition today: Spacy, with patches of intermittent fog. :)

My mom flew out from AZ this past weekend, and we had a great time. Though, she did exclaim in front of both of them, that our cats are "fat." They're big boys, yes, - gorgeous hunks of feline perfection - but fat...? Ouch. :)

The biggest "event" thing we did over the weekend was go to Huntington Gardens in Pasadena on Saturday and have tea in their Tea Room. If you haven't been, Huntington is a worthwhile destination - acres and acres of different gardens, an art gallery, and a big-deal, really-old books/manuscripts library. It's a little pricey for both admission to the grounds and for the tea, but it was a gorgeous day, all in all.

The rest of her visit, we went to the bookstore, wandered around The Grove, and ate other yummy food. Oh, and Friday night, I opened her shower gifts -- many cute, cute outfits and an activity blanket, plus a music box thingie, and serendipitously enough, a tiny bead "ring" both from when she was a baby. Cool stuff! The weekend seemed to fly by.

On another note, I imagine Ken and I both will muse on the following in posts to come, but we started talking this weekend about possibly moving away from LA after Audrey is born and Ken finishes his certification exams. My mom's practically ready to pack the cars for us. :)

The biggest reason is, obviously, Audrey. We don't like the pollution out here; we don't thrill to being big city/metropolitan-dwellers; there's a high-RAUNCH factor that permeates the city -- just yesterday, I noticed billboards up for a new slasher movie titled something like, "Captivity." It boasted "Abduction. Confinement. Torture. Termination." with photos of a woman grotesquely illustrating each of those words. Ew! Sigh. (This billboard campaign has since been claimed, "a printing mistake" when the public complained, and all those disgusting billboards were replaced with ones that just show a woman's face behind chain link fence.)

I don't have a paid job in the movie business, and even if I were to find/get one say, six months down the road, we'd either have to find/fund child care for Audrey, or plan to live off my salary while Ken would stay home with her.

We miss four seasons. I'd like to live somewhere that I find PRETTY. I miss lilac bushes. Falling generally on the more "hippie" side of the political spectrum, we'd like to live somewhere that skews toward "progressive" politics. We'd also like to live someplace that we might afford a house again.

I miss having a garden. And, you know what's really weird about that? Out here, in CA, I'm not inspired to garden. Even if I had the money for a dwelling with some soil to tend, I'm just not... enthused, inspired. I love the roses and lavender out here, but I don't vibe to all the tropical stuff. And, we have potted plants on our balcony, but I avoid going out there very much since Loud Annoying Neighbor moved in months and months ago.

Maybe I'm ready to say I'm done with my movie aspirations. Or, more accurately, ready to let go and free fall. At least, at this stage in my life. Hell, I feel I've been pounding that particular pavement for the last 10+ years. I'm tired of trying so hard. We made the leap, coming out here. And, the pool we landed in was the Audrey/parenting one, not a movie-mogul one, or even a Ken-has-landed-some-fantastic-he-loves-it job/career opportunity one.

It's all just food for thought right now.

I have a lot of things flying through my mind.

I have a lot of things flying through my mind.

I slept in really late, b/c I was relishing how relatively comfortable I was, vis a vis my expand-o-matic belly. When I'm up and about, standing, sitting, or walking, I either have to pee, have little baby knees and arms punching bulges outward, and/or feel this constant, itchy tightness. Not that I really mind these things that much, actually. But, they do feel ever present these days, and when I'm settled in bed, on my side, with my pillows, I can almost forget all the discomforts. Except for the burning sensation in my hips from lying exclusively on my sides, or when I try to lie on my back for more than 15 seconds, and I suddenly have to gasp for air b/c my heart suddenly surges. :)

Alright, I was gonna write more stuff, but Ken is &%$!* with the fax machine, right above my head, and I give up for now.

Feeling spacy, blah, kinda weak and tired today. At same temp gig as last week - it's been extended through this week.

Got the call last night that my cousin, Chauntall, had her baby yesterday! We spoke Thursday, and she was dismayed b/c the doctor had told her there was "no movement" indicating impending delivery. And, lo and behold! Labor started late, late Saturday, I believe, and culminated in the birth of my new second cousin, Myla, Sunday early p.m. -- which, ironically, was her due date. Yay for Chauntall and Paul!

Chauntall and I used to make tent cities in her basement when we were children. She has the best giggle - it's infectious.

Saturday was my baby shower/blessing way. All in all, it was a lovely afternoon, though I was kind of sweating things out a bit for the first hour. A couple local friends had to cancel at the last moment and/or spaced the date and/or had to come late, and I worried about the prep that Lisa and Tracy had gone through for the brunch... but, things turned out fine, and things were out of my hands anyway. Yummy food, good company. Ken went with me, and we got to see and catch up a bit with his Aunt Gayle (Tracy's mom), who had heart surgery back in November. She looked vibrant and spritely, per her usual spitfire self. Ken took some photos; he'll post them soon.

I didn't get hardly any beads, charms for the blessing way from invitees. Maybe the concept is just too foreign/weird/unfamiliar for people...? Maybe its meaning got lost in the invitation? Maybe I had too much hope that this alternative would make me feel less isolated out here. Since it turns out I've moved away from everyone that I feel close to, I thought the send-a-bead thing could be a fairly easy, direct way to feel some connection with them during this big change/passage in my life. I knew people couldn't fly to CA. for a shower; I even debated whether to take Lisa and Tracy up on their gracious offer to hostess a party for me. I figured putting a bead and a note in the mail might be more "do-able." But, it hasn't panned out that way. Oh well.

SUBJECT CHANGE: Everyone, please think positive thoughts for my mom! A pinched nerve in her back has sidelined her in a big way, preventing her from flying this past weekend. I can tell in her voice, that the help she's sought for the malady and pain is already beginning to make a positive difference, but all your happy thoughts can only help more. :)

Photos and Pho

Hello, hello.

I feel like I could POP. We just returned from what used to be our favorite local pho (Vietnamese beef noodle soup) place in Koreatown. Only, it's just recently changed hands and has new management. Sigh. The new folks were very attentive, and their food was okay -- but, I LOVED the old restaurant's summer rolls recipe, and the new restaurant didn't sway me over to theirs. Plus, this restaurant installed a flat screen tv in the corner, which annoyed me. If I wanted to watch "Wheel of Fortune" or listen to shrill, screaming Korean girls cheer their favorite boy-band, popstar singers on a Korean variety show, I'd find those channels at home.

Bah, humbug.

On a different note, Ken took some photos of me at 28 weeks, and now at 32 weeks. Look how round I've gotten!













Just yesterday, I had another sonogram, because the midwife wanted to check out how the placenta looked, the amniotic fluid amount, etc. Everything looked hunky dory. The tech said that Audrey currently weighs 4 pounds, 2 ounces, and she estimated that I was at 31 weeks and 5 days (which is almost a week behind where my midwife and I thought I'm at). Right now, after dinner, it feels like Audrey's maybe gained another POUND in there. :) And, she might come closer to mid-April than early April. It's all good; though, I'm fast approaching the state of constantly-uncomfortable. As we were walking down to the car tonight, I told Ken that with every other step it feels like an invisible pedal pushes down on my bladder. Fun.

Heartburn and pacifism

I just have to say that, today, I've experienced the worst and longest case of heartburn I've ever had. I swear, I'm surprised that fire has not flung forth from my mouth at any point while I've squirmed, winced, and burped throughout the day. Ay yay yay.

In other news, I visited the midwife today and learned that I've gained 20 pounds so far. Audrey's doing really well - growth, orientation, size-wise. Just yesterday, I believe she discovered the edge of my ribs with one of her feet. I also visited a recommended pediatrician today, whom I liked. So, I'm happy about that.

I can't remember if I mentioned here that I got a call earlier this week about a six-week temp gig at Sony. At first, I was very enthused about it, b/c it sounded like it was more than babysitting a phone. But, in a nutshell, the "internal client" then decided not to consider me for it b/c of my preggers status (they didn't OFFICIALLY state this, but I got the picture).

I can see their point - I'm only going to have more and more pre-natal/delivery visits over the next six weeks+... This little event has actually given me an unexpected peace of mind. As my due date gets closer, I can see "light at the end of the tunnel." I've decided to stop fretting about temp gigs. If something comes into my orbit, so be it. If not, I can't do anything about it. So there.

ON A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SUBJECT:
Last night, on "Charlie Rose," our man Charlie was interviewing John Mellencamp. Charlie couldn't seem to reconcile John's adherence to pacifism with his assertion that he believes in self-defense. I don't know if Charlie was being purposefully obtuse by asking if the two notions weren't mutually exclusive, but I completely understood Mellencamp's stance. If someone were to actively, immediately, physically attack me, I'd defend myself, of course. But, if someone were hollering across a distance, hurling verbal threats and waving a bat around, I wouldn't pick up my own bat and cross the distance to hurt him first.

What's so hard to understand about that?

Simple pleasures

I went swimming this afternoon. It felt fabulous. I kept thinking about how Audrey's floating around in her amniotic sac, while I was floating around in mine - ha ha. Ken studied poolside while I swam. He's going to take his exam tomorrow - think positive thoughts! Afterward, we came upstairs and I made a super-yummy grilled cheese sandwich with spinach and tomatoes in it. I have the happy glow of tasty, fatty, crunchy goodness now.

Gratitude

Things I'm grateful for:

Being so in love with Ken.

Lisa offering to throw a baby shower for me.

It's kind of nutty, but I adore our cats.

My health (breathless episodes aside).

Tall glasses of milk.

The squishy pillow I've been sleeping with.

The "dance parties" Audrey does after I eat.

Can't breathe today

Boy, between the anemia and the heart murmur (I'm supposing), some days I just can't catch my breath. Today's one of those days. Overall, I'm fine; I just get dizzy really easily, and winded. Oy.

After I get a "second wind" here (ha ha), I'll be off to do LAUNDRY - very exciting.

Belly buttons and bloodwork

So, in the last 5 days or so, I've begun to feel like Audrey has discovered my belly button and is determined to "break out" through it. :) Not only has the button, itself, nearly completely flattened now, but it's very sensitive, and it really feels like she's pushing on it from the inside, trying to poke out. I don't think she'll be successful, but it is an odd feeling. I have felt her moving a lot more...

BTW - my expectant friends had their baby a few days ago - a boy. Yay for Ari and Terry!

We're currently on the East Coast with Ken's family. We've had a lovely Christmas, and today was my birthday. At Christmas, my sis-in-law passed on the "Marsh booties" to us as a gift. These booties were knitted by my father-in-law, Dave, in anticipation of his sister, Tina's, first baby over 50 years ago. They've been worn by Marsh babies home from delivery ever since. My mother-in-law, too, has been busy accumulating family heirloom and new receiving blankets, plus a prayer shawl that the ladies at her community group blessed en masse and knitted together. It's gorgeous - oranges, and greens and browns. And, soft.

Today, I got a call from the midwife re: some bloodwork results we were awaiting. Turns out, the good news is I don't have to worry about gestational diabetes. On the flipside, it turns out I have such LOW blood sugar that she wants me to eat protein at least 6 times a day, if not every hour or so. Plus, I'm apparently just "one point" above the oh-shit-sound-the-alarm! results for anemia. So, joy, I get to go buy an additional supplement of iron pills to take twice a day. This, in addition to the supplement she added a week ago to alleviate the symptoms of the pregnancy-induced slight heart murmur I've developed (I get "winded" a LOT easier these days, I tell you - and, even lying down makes my heart beat harder than I'm used to). I know, I know, just suck it up, Lorie, and take all the pills, powders, etc. I really don't mean to complain. It's just a habit I'm not used to - still (even 6 months into gestation) - taking handfuls of pills and powders.

I'm finding it rather fascinating to have these physical processes, overages and deficiencies, supplements, and so forth brought to my attention, though. Most of the time, I just expect and experience my body to function "normally." Like it's a machine. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. But, it's being used for different processes these days, so it's requiring more attention and support. And, I've never experienced my belly button feeling sensitive to the touch, for instance.

Omigod, and am I burping all the time, or what? To top that off, I find that, without thinking, I tend to announce, "I'm gonna burp." in advance of each gutteral projection. Which is OFTEN. It's almost like there's an invisible string in my back that gets pulled every time I have indigestion, "I'm gonna burp. I'm gonna burp." Just in the last day, I've been trying to just GO FOR THE BURP without any pronouncements, with so-so results. :)

Oh, and one last thought. By the end of the day these days, I feel so round and usually, full, that I can't imagine my skin stretching to get any bigger. Though, I know I'm going to. This is rather blowing my mind.