So, I'm starting to feel fat. When I hold in my stomach, it still juts out. My clothes are still fitting, but by the end of the day, gravity takes it toll, everything swells, and wastebands are uncomfortable. I figure it'll be several weeks more before I have to invest in some maternity clothes...
Remember how I said a few postings ago that Ken and I liked Glendale a lot? Well, our latest preference is for Culver City - which is in the opposite direction of Glendale. No big news to share re: specific moving plans or anything; we're just exploring different areas of LA for a move sometime in the next year or so.
I had a temp gig at Sony last week, which unexpectedly ended Friday. So, I'm back on the call-the-temp-agency-in-the-morning-to-report-in schedule this week. Didn't have a gig today, so I did some errands and met with my writer-friend, Colin (who just got laid off from Paramount two weeks ago) for lunch. Just got home.
Yep, definitely feeling LARGE. Bluh.
Oh, last week, I met up with a new writer acquaintance -- long story short, we're going to work on a script/idea I described to him, a suspense/mystery film. He expects to complete a first draft by Dec. 10th...
Well, I signed on to write more, but now that I'm here, I don't remember what I wanted to say! Oh well. :)
Monday, October 30, 2006
Saturday, October 21, 2006
I've got a new gig!
Thank you, thank you to Gail March! My lovely friend put me in touch with some folks at Sony who need some temp help, and I start on Monday. Yay!
Wow, I noticed a different vibe there from Paramount's right away. The Sony folks seem happier and more laid back. Which'll work for me. :)
Wow, I noticed a different vibe there from Paramount's right away. The Sony folks seem happier and more laid back. Which'll work for me. :)
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
My Hamlet Moment
So, I was thinking this morning...
About the nature of existence and the power of the Universe. And, doing the laundry.
If one accepts the universal Law of Attraction, that "like" attracts "like," and that the source and sustainer of the Universe is pure energy (can anyone say, "string theory?"), AND that each of us and everything around us is comprised of this same source energy, then God/the Universe is like a giant Genie which beckons us to command Him with our desires. To manifest our desires, we simply need to identify and ask for them. Accept them as real, as a "given," and they come into reality -- "like" is magnetized into existence to match "like."
I was dreaming this morning about some sort of super-PDA I had. I really simply wanted to make a phone call, but my fingers were too big for the buttons, and I kept misdialing. I finally figured out there was a stylus to use, and I excitedly grabbed it to key in the phone number I wanted. But, somehow, with the stylus I pressed some other inadvertent combo of function keys, and all of a sudden, every application and function of the PDA crammed the screen at once -- BLOCKING my ability to make the phone call I wanted to. Next, I got caught in this loop of trying to close all the other "windows" on the screen (which kept popping up new ones), unable to access the device's telephone function.
This dream ties in directly to my first paragraph, in that I know I have all the capabilities to make that phone call - to state what I want. And, yet, I am aware of so many possibilities and my fundamental omnipotence to manifest them that I feel I spend more time "closing windows" (or wondering whether I should close that window) than making the call.
I guess I'm wrestling with super-alertness versus contentment in being. What I mean is, knowing that I have the ability to manifest ANYTHING makes me feel responsible for everything that manifests in my life - the "good" and the "bad." If I'm feeling discontented with anything in my life, I must recognize that I have somehow contributed to manifesting it... Or, even if something pops up "out of left field," I've somehow attracted it into my orbit.
Isn't that daunting? How does one keep from being hyper-alert, hyper-vigilant all the time? How exhausting.
Ah, I just detected a note of fear there. That's the tripper. I don't believe in remaining in a state of fear. Fear is a wake-up call, at its best, a seductive, self-perpetuating rut, at its worst. So, if the hyper-alert feelings appear, I need to call them for what they are and let them go. I can't ANTICIPATE everything that comes along with a manifestation. I mean, if that were the case, why create anything at all? Where would the mystery be? Where would the adventure be? I don't believe we're here to live our lives like recipes.
I've been calling in these past few mornings to report to the two temp agencies I'm signed up with. No gigs, yet. So, today, I decided, "phooey, I'm gonna do the laundry."
And, so off I go to launder. Ponder the Universe, check. Separate the whites and the colors, check. :)
About the nature of existence and the power of the Universe. And, doing the laundry.
If one accepts the universal Law of Attraction, that "like" attracts "like," and that the source and sustainer of the Universe is pure energy (can anyone say, "string theory?"), AND that each of us and everything around us is comprised of this same source energy, then God/the Universe is like a giant Genie which beckons us to command Him with our desires. To manifest our desires, we simply need to identify and ask for them. Accept them as real, as a "given," and they come into reality -- "like" is magnetized into existence to match "like."
I was dreaming this morning about some sort of super-PDA I had. I really simply wanted to make a phone call, but my fingers were too big for the buttons, and I kept misdialing. I finally figured out there was a stylus to use, and I excitedly grabbed it to key in the phone number I wanted. But, somehow, with the stylus I pressed some other inadvertent combo of function keys, and all of a sudden, every application and function of the PDA crammed the screen at once -- BLOCKING my ability to make the phone call I wanted to. Next, I got caught in this loop of trying to close all the other "windows" on the screen (which kept popping up new ones), unable to access the device's telephone function.
This dream ties in directly to my first paragraph, in that I know I have all the capabilities to make that phone call - to state what I want. And, yet, I am aware of so many possibilities and my fundamental omnipotence to manifest them that I feel I spend more time "closing windows" (or wondering whether I should close that window) than making the call.
I guess I'm wrestling with super-alertness versus contentment in being. What I mean is, knowing that I have the ability to manifest ANYTHING makes me feel responsible for everything that manifests in my life - the "good" and the "bad." If I'm feeling discontented with anything in my life, I must recognize that I have somehow contributed to manifesting it... Or, even if something pops up "out of left field," I've somehow attracted it into my orbit.
Isn't that daunting? How does one keep from being hyper-alert, hyper-vigilant all the time? How exhausting.
Ah, I just detected a note of fear there. That's the tripper. I don't believe in remaining in a state of fear. Fear is a wake-up call, at its best, a seductive, self-perpetuating rut, at its worst. So, if the hyper-alert feelings appear, I need to call them for what they are and let them go. I can't ANTICIPATE everything that comes along with a manifestation. I mean, if that were the case, why create anything at all? Where would the mystery be? Where would the adventure be? I don't believe we're here to live our lives like recipes.
I've been calling in these past few mornings to report to the two temp agencies I'm signed up with. No gigs, yet. So, today, I decided, "phooey, I'm gonna do the laundry."
And, so off I go to launder. Ponder the Universe, check. Separate the whites and the colors, check. :)
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
In the words of Steve Martin, "Pure Drivel"
Feel like writing something, but don't know what to say.
That brief phrase neatly sums up how I feel about my creative writing skills! I have boxes and files of old letters, notebooks, loose pieces of paper and cardboard even, with snippets of conversations, story ideas, plot outlines, you name it. And, when I sit down to invite the Muse to join me, she plays hard to get. And, I have impatient courting skills.
Went to the bookstore the other day to check out anthologies of essays and short stories. I thought, perhaps, those forms might beckon me, inspire me. I found that the concept of a short story is more appealing to me than actually slogging through reading one. Aren't I lame? Essays, on the other hand, spoke to me more, but I'm back to the same stall - what to write about?
Well, this is progress. I've written two paragraphs on "not knowing what to write about." Ha.
I'm off to another birth class this evening. Tonight's subject is supposed to be prenatal diet and nutrition. Let's hope there's not ANOTHER birth video. Yeesh.
That brief phrase neatly sums up how I feel about my creative writing skills! I have boxes and files of old letters, notebooks, loose pieces of paper and cardboard even, with snippets of conversations, story ideas, plot outlines, you name it. And, when I sit down to invite the Muse to join me, she plays hard to get. And, I have impatient courting skills.
Went to the bookstore the other day to check out anthologies of essays and short stories. I thought, perhaps, those forms might beckon me, inspire me. I found that the concept of a short story is more appealing to me than actually slogging through reading one. Aren't I lame? Essays, on the other hand, spoke to me more, but I'm back to the same stall - what to write about?
Well, this is progress. I've written two paragraphs on "not knowing what to write about." Ha.
I'm off to another birth class this evening. Tonight's subject is supposed to be prenatal diet and nutrition. Let's hope there's not ANOTHER birth video. Yeesh.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Ants in our pants
Ken and I drove all over Glendale yesterday. It's east of Los Angeles, west of Pasadena.
We like it there.
We found a residential area surrounding this long, east-west-oriented Kenneth Road, with cross streets like Maryland and Virginia Streets. Seems fated, doesn't it? We actually stopped at a couple Open Houses, too. Ha. Yeah, nothing like "only" $700K for a "fixer-upper." But, the cool thing was, we found an area that we both like. And, last night, I checked craigslist for duplex and house rentals in the area, and like, five possibilities popped up right away.
Good signs.
We decided today that we want to move before the baby arrives, so we'll start looking in earnest in January for a new rental. If we aim to move at the end of February/beginning of March, perhaps our current landlord will still give us our security deposit back (our lease isn't up until April 15). We'll see.
Today, we're going to head down to Manhattan and Redondo Beach(es), just for chuckles. Ken wants to walk in sand. :)
We like it there.
We found a residential area surrounding this long, east-west-oriented Kenneth Road, with cross streets like Maryland and Virginia Streets. Seems fated, doesn't it? We actually stopped at a couple Open Houses, too. Ha. Yeah, nothing like "only" $700K for a "fixer-upper." But, the cool thing was, we found an area that we both like. And, last night, I checked craigslist for duplex and house rentals in the area, and like, five possibilities popped up right away.
Good signs.
We decided today that we want to move before the baby arrives, so we'll start looking in earnest in January for a new rental. If we aim to move at the end of February/beginning of March, perhaps our current landlord will still give us our security deposit back (our lease isn't up until April 15). We'll see.
Today, we're going to head down to Manhattan and Redondo Beach(es), just for chuckles. Ken wants to walk in sand. :)
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Birth Desensitization
Oh Sweet Jesus, we had another birth video tonight at class.
As the midwife/instructor put it, she's showing us these birthing videos (that show one kid after another popping out of one woman after another) so that we all grasp that, "yes, Virginia, a baby CAN pop out of DOWN THERE."
I don't know, maybe it's working.
Nope, I'm still pretty squeamish about watching close up shots on other women's cooties as slimy baby balls emerge from them.
On a lighter note, I heard "The Lemon Song" by Led Zeppelin on the drive home - I love that song. I rocked out, badass.
Our Audrey is going to be a headbanger. Oh yeah.
As the midwife/instructor put it, she's showing us these birthing videos (that show one kid after another popping out of one woman after another) so that we all grasp that, "yes, Virginia, a baby CAN pop out of DOWN THERE."
I don't know, maybe it's working.
Nope, I'm still pretty squeamish about watching close up shots on other women's cooties as slimy baby balls emerge from them.
On a lighter note, I heard "The Lemon Song" by Led Zeppelin on the drive home - I love that song. I rocked out, badass.
Our Audrey is going to be a headbanger. Oh yeah.
Monday, October 09, 2006
No Medi-Cal for Us
Last week, I went to the Dept. of Social Services, Los Angeles Branch to check out Medi-Cal - the state-funded/sponsored health insurance program (for indigents, and pregnant women without insurance). Brand-new building with floofy, modern-y sculpture out front - and, inside, it still managed to smell kinda like pee. Sigh.
Nice enough people/staff, but the experience was what you'd expect. I just wanted to find out what the program covers, and how eligibility is determined.
Well, first I had to go to the reception desk, get a number, and fill out a form. Then, my number was called, I took the form to the desk, the lady entered the data in the computer, and I was told to be seated again and wait for my name to be called. She couldn't answer my questions - that's another dept/group.
Cue Jeopardy! music.
Half-hour later, another lady emerges from behind door, calls my name. I follow her back to a bank of corporate cubicles, where she confirms my contact info, enters it into another computer screen, assembles a file folder with my name on it. She couldn't answer my questions - that's another group/dept. She escorts me back to waiting area, and I'm told to wait for my name to be called again.
At this point, I've been there an hour and a half, I'm queued into the database, and I still don't know if this is something we can or want to apply for. Cue Jeopardy! music again.
Twenty minutes later, I'm told to go up to the Third Floor Reception area. Okay. I get up there and am told to sit along the wall and you guessed it, wait for my name to be called.
In the meantime, I've observed the pageantry of my fellow applicants: uncombed, shambly man, skinny, pretty black girl with skinny, handsome boyfriend, super-skinny brunette (whom I'm not entirely convinced is a natural woman) with the pointy heels, athletic, high-energy almost-agitated man, black guy with fly open, young Asian couple, and talking-to-himself Arab guy.
There was a big bank of North-facing facing windows in the Third Floor reception area. For another half hour, I stared at the 405 traffic inching its way north into the Valley, and began to fantasize about jumping out the window.
Lorie Marsh? Ms. Marsh?
Hallelujah - petite, plump Mexican staff-lady is calling my name! Off we go into another bank of cubicles. Turns out, she's able to answer a couple of my questions, but not all. If I want to find out more about any benefit/coverage specifics, I'll have to call this one phone number, and...agh.
In the end, I learned that Ken and I could basically squeak into the program, but we'd basically have to lie about the extent of our assets. That don't fly with me. And, I found the whole experience well-intentioned, but "ew."
So, that's that.
Nice enough people/staff, but the experience was what you'd expect. I just wanted to find out what the program covers, and how eligibility is determined.
Well, first I had to go to the reception desk, get a number, and fill out a form. Then, my number was called, I took the form to the desk, the lady entered the data in the computer, and I was told to be seated again and wait for my name to be called. She couldn't answer my questions - that's another dept/group.
Cue Jeopardy! music.
Half-hour later, another lady emerges from behind door, calls my name. I follow her back to a bank of corporate cubicles, where she confirms my contact info, enters it into another computer screen, assembles a file folder with my name on it. She couldn't answer my questions - that's another group/dept. She escorts me back to waiting area, and I'm told to wait for my name to be called again.
At this point, I've been there an hour and a half, I'm queued into the database, and I still don't know if this is something we can or want to apply for. Cue Jeopardy! music again.
Twenty minutes later, I'm told to go up to the Third Floor Reception area. Okay. I get up there and am told to sit along the wall and you guessed it, wait for my name to be called.
In the meantime, I've observed the pageantry of my fellow applicants: uncombed, shambly man, skinny, pretty black girl with skinny, handsome boyfriend, super-skinny brunette (whom I'm not entirely convinced is a natural woman) with the pointy heels, athletic, high-energy almost-agitated man, black guy with fly open, young Asian couple, and talking-to-himself Arab guy.
There was a big bank of North-facing facing windows in the Third Floor reception area. For another half hour, I stared at the 405 traffic inching its way north into the Valley, and began to fantasize about jumping out the window.
Lorie Marsh? Ms. Marsh?
Hallelujah - petite, plump Mexican staff-lady is calling my name! Off we go into another bank of cubicles. Turns out, she's able to answer a couple of my questions, but not all. If I want to find out more about any benefit/coverage specifics, I'll have to call this one phone number, and...agh.
In the end, I learned that Ken and I could basically squeak into the program, but we'd basically have to lie about the extent of our assets. That don't fly with me. And, I found the whole experience well-intentioned, but "ew."
So, that's that.
Friday, October 06, 2006
Upcoming Washington, D.C. screening
Hello Lovelies.
Well, a few days have passed, and I don't feel so poopy or hate LA that much anymore. :)
Big News for my DC Posse:
My film partners in Austin scored a major feat with our current, limited release national tour of "jumping off bridges," in that they successfully solicited the endorsement from the National Institute of Health in D.C.! In fact, in an email from the NIH people, it said, "Everyone agreed at the meeting that your group has created a film that is needed by the mental health professional community." Pretty cool, huh?
The screening will be November 15 (Ken's birthday!) at the AFI Silver Theater (8633 Colesville Road). I don't know the time(s), yet. Will keep the blog posted.
Well, a few days have passed, and I don't feel so poopy or hate LA that much anymore. :)
Big News for my DC Posse:
My film partners in Austin scored a major feat with our current, limited release national tour of "jumping off bridges," in that they successfully solicited the endorsement from the National Institute of Health in D.C.! In fact, in an email from the NIH people, it said, "Everyone agreed at the meeting that your group has created a film that is needed by the mental health professional community." Pretty cool, huh?
The screening will be November 15 (Ken's birthday!) at the AFI Silver Theater (8633 Colesville Road). I don't know the time(s), yet. Will keep the blog posted.
Monday, October 02, 2006
Oh, and one more thing
Oh, yeah. Echoing Ken below - I don't like LA either. Everything's a HASSLE.
I knew moving out here that I didn't particularly like LA. The move was for WORK. But, now we're having a baby, which makes the WORK thing a little hard to figure out.
Deep down, I have faith, I know that everything's going to work itself out fine. I know, I know. But, today, I couldn't begin to tell you what I want, what's important to me - vis a vis work, career. I also couldn't tell you where else I'd rather live...
I knew moving out here that I didn't particularly like LA. The move was for WORK. But, now we're having a baby, which makes the WORK thing a little hard to figure out.
Deep down, I have faith, I know that everything's going to work itself out fine. I know, I know. But, today, I couldn't begin to tell you what I want, what's important to me - vis a vis work, career. I also couldn't tell you where else I'd rather live...
Missing my Happy Pills
Pregnancy hormone highs notwithstanding, today, I'm really missing my anti-depressant medication. Just having a really hard time today. Feeling completely overwhelmed - like, I don't know what to do with myself. Actually, the problem is, I have lots of ideas what to do with myself - too many. I don't know which direction to go, what action to take next. And, it has nothing to do with time management - it's this FEELING of ACCKKKK!!! Sick to my stomach worry. Lethargy. Catatonia. With an ample chaser of annoyance with myself for feeling this way.
It's that old familiar feeling of "what's the point?" I know it'll pass, but at the moment, I'm really argh, aggravated, stymied, scared even. Scared that I can be rendered so USELESS upon no provocation.
I'm also beginning to get "list-y" again. My brain's idling too fast, so I feel impelled to make lists to try to empty my brain. Then, I have all these lists around to stare at me while I feel this numbing freak-out.
Oh, AND, every time I hear my neighbor's LOUD voice, I want to move away from this building immediately. He's LOUD MAN. Yes, this is the one who shouts expletives at his four-year-old. He has been better the last week or so; apparently, he's seeing a new counselor or something. But, it doesn't change the fact that he has this LOUD, grating voice that just makes me want to jump out of my skin.
Okay, I think I've complained enough for the moment. :)
On a sole productive note, I did manage to work through layers of inertia today to put together the press release I'll be sending out to all the LA outlets for our Nov. 12 screening of "jumping off bridges." Oh, and I'm faxing a resume to this friend of Gail's for a temp gig at Sony. Probably won't know anything more about that until next week, b/c necessary person is on vacation this week.
Oh, and one last thing. Finding out dribs and drabs about the Medi-Cal program, which subsidizes pregnancy costs for low-income folks. Ken's excited (understandably) to get us signed up for it, if possible, but I just found out today that our midwife's practice doesn't accept it. So, if we go the "free" route, we can't use the practioner we've chosen. This snag stopped me cold today. I don't want to find another OB, midwife, whatever. I don't want to start over with someone new...
Sigh. Gotta discuss with Ken.
It's that old familiar feeling of "what's the point?" I know it'll pass, but at the moment, I'm really argh, aggravated, stymied, scared even. Scared that I can be rendered so USELESS upon no provocation.
I'm also beginning to get "list-y" again. My brain's idling too fast, so I feel impelled to make lists to try to empty my brain. Then, I have all these lists around to stare at me while I feel this numbing freak-out.
Oh, AND, every time I hear my neighbor's LOUD voice, I want to move away from this building immediately. He's LOUD MAN. Yes, this is the one who shouts expletives at his four-year-old. He has been better the last week or so; apparently, he's seeing a new counselor or something. But, it doesn't change the fact that he has this LOUD, grating voice that just makes me want to jump out of my skin.
Okay, I think I've complained enough for the moment. :)
On a sole productive note, I did manage to work through layers of inertia today to put together the press release I'll be sending out to all the LA outlets for our Nov. 12 screening of "jumping off bridges." Oh, and I'm faxing a resume to this friend of Gail's for a temp gig at Sony. Probably won't know anything more about that until next week, b/c necessary person is on vacation this week.
Oh, and one last thing. Finding out dribs and drabs about the Medi-Cal program, which subsidizes pregnancy costs for low-income folks. Ken's excited (understandably) to get us signed up for it, if possible, but I just found out today that our midwife's practice doesn't accept it. So, if we go the "free" route, we can't use the practioner we've chosen. This snag stopped me cold today. I don't want to find another OB, midwife, whatever. I don't want to start over with someone new...
Sigh. Gotta discuss with Ken.
Escape to Big Bear Lake!
This Saturday morning we got a bug in our butts, woke up early, threw some clothes in a bag, and took off on a quick road trip into the mountains to the east in search of Big Bear Lake. We had seen this mountain lake from the air last weekend as we flew back from St. Louis and another passenger told us what it was. This lake is 8000 feet in the air, far above the smog that gathers thick and disgusting at the western base of these mountains.
Big Bear Lake was gorgeous! and clean! and relatively undeveloped with hillsides covered with big beautiful pines! These pics don't do it justice.
Looking west across a smallish wetlands area with the adjoining lake on the other side of the road:
Looking east across the wetlands:
While here, I told someone for the first time that I hate LA. Uh oh. There, I said it.
And once again, returning from this relatively pristine wilderness to LA sent me into a mild depression this evening.
Maybe Lorie will write more...
Big Bear Lake was gorgeous! and clean! and relatively undeveloped with hillsides covered with big beautiful pines! These pics don't do it justice.
Looking west across a smallish wetlands area with the adjoining lake on the other side of the road:
Looking east across the wetlands:
While here, I told someone for the first time that I hate LA. Uh oh. There, I said it.
And once again, returning from this relatively pristine wilderness to LA sent me into a mild depression this evening.
Maybe Lorie will write more...
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Toast is a perfect food
Pregnancy hormones can be more fun than drugs.
For instance, while driving my car last Thursday, Eric Clapton's "Layla" came on the radio, and it MADE ME CRY from joy at how awesome a song it is. I was in a great mood the whole rest of the afternoon.
Tonight, I'm having equally superlative feelings about wheat toast. I dare say, it is nearly the perfect snack - warm, crunchy, with sweet butter melting in its little hollows... and, bonus, if you apply apricot Allfruit lightly on top of the buttery goodness!
For instance, while driving my car last Thursday, Eric Clapton's "Layla" came on the radio, and it MADE ME CRY from joy at how awesome a song it is. I was in a great mood the whole rest of the afternoon.
Tonight, I'm having equally superlative feelings about wheat toast. I dare say, it is nearly the perfect snack - warm, crunchy, with sweet butter melting in its little hollows... and, bonus, if you apply apricot Allfruit lightly on top of the buttery goodness!
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