"Butt" Hot

Hey there. Years ago, when I worked on a gimongous Dept. of Defense contract in D.C., I worked with a fellow trainer who hailed from Texas. Can't remember her name. But, she used to describe things of extremes with the term "butt;" as in, "it's butt hot out there!"

Here in sunny Cali, it is, indeed, BUTT HOT. Nothing like sleeping with a sweat mustache. Or, more accurately, tossing and turning all night with a sweat mustache.

So, I interviewed last Friday for that job. I came away from it sort of dazed. In summary, everything went fine enough, but I left wondering how it went?

I liked him fine. We seemed to get along. I asked about his working style, saying mine is, in a word, direct. He said he's the same way. He's also not a morning person by nature. Hey, there's two things I like about him! Plus, I really like where the company is - it's a startup, essentially - and, its taste for material.

It was, in retrospect, a little nerve-wracking (post-interview play-by-play recall-wise), b/c he started with an open question, "So, tell me about yourself." You know those questions. Without knowing him or what he's looking for, specifically, you're able to hang yourself with what you offer off the top of your head, or based on your assumptions. Oh well. I was me. There you have it.

Sometimes I despair that I'll ever adapt to having a "boss." I mean, I'm totally down with "paying my dues," but it just feels so regressive for me to pitch myself for a desk jockey job. Like, who am I fooling?

I don't know if the answer is to continue temping and work up my own projects, get a permanent job with an existing production company, or some other combo...?

What do I want? I like working with writers. I like building projects from the ground up. Lord knows, I like autonomy. It's like a compulsion. Maybe a fatal flaw? Or, maybe I should just embrace it - I am what I am. Agh.

Sometimes I also fear that I've lived with (created) career upheaval and uncertainty for so long that I don't know how to embrace full-time, traditional employment. I mean, on one hand, I've been temping full-time - it's not the schedule I can't keep. It's the mindset.

This week, I've started a temp gig back on the Paramount lot for an attorney in Business Affairs. It's very quiet. But, that's cool. It's supposed to be a month-long gig, but it's one of those things that could likely stretch into months... if I don't get another job first.

:)