I emailed my former shrink today. Not enjoying the ride, so to speak, the last couple days. Feeling all preoccupied, angsty, anxious, scattered, and Poopy in escalating amounts the last few days. Makes me feel panicky and desperate.
Today, for instance, I've swung from nearly giving in to the desire to jump up and down in a snitty tantrum this morning to feeling euphoric this afternoon about probably finding a landing spot for ourselves in St. Paul. I feel sorry for Ken. I'm not mad with him, though I act mad at him. And feeling bad about that just adds to the poopiness factor, desperation feeling(s).
So, we'll see if/what the Austin psychiatrist has to say about advising me long distance... Tried to find a therapist upon moving out to LA, but ultimately haven't been successful. The one I did find and visit several times -- well, let me just say 75% of the time, I found myself leaving her office in tears of frustration and greater anxiety. And, THAT is a big bummer, really. When I'm off medication, I've noticed it's easy for me to feel clouded and unsure about going back on it. And, then when I'm on it, it's no effort or second-guessing to keep taking it, b/c it just keeps me out of my own way, so to speak.
Aside from my mental state(s), things are peachy. Found a listing on Craig's List today that sounds like it'll fit the bill for temporary housing for us in St. Paul! I've also been researching moving/storage options and surveying our belongings with an eye toward what to keep and what to give away. Told our landlord last night that we're leaving...
Took a walk with Audrey today in the Baby Bjorn. She can hold herself up really well now, so I packed her in face-forward, and we walked down to Lulu's Cafe and ordered carry-out lunch. All the wait staff were sufficiently charmed by her fabulousness. :)
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